Mystery Science Theater Adventures Show 303 Reel 1.... "MST 1/2 Part III" In the not too distant future, another September day Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank left to go their separate way They left by using the time machine To go back home to Deep 13 But disturbance put the SOL off base The Satellite Of Love fell out of space!!! The satellite crash landed, near a little Chinese spring (lalala) All 6 were thrown into it by the force of the landing (lalala) Now keep in mind this certain spring had a curse that was at hand (lalala) And the curse affected Joel and Mike, and also their robot friends! ROBOT ROLL CALL Cambot (on a rage) Gypsy ("Richard Basehart") Tom Servo ("lookin' good") Croooow!! (still a wisecracker) Gizmonic Institute's their goal, as they trek from day to day (lalala) And repeat to yourself, "It's just a file," and let the story go where it may On MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER ADVENTURES!!!! (no door sequence...SOL is gone. A cab stops near a small border town in the mountains between Tibet and Russia. Joel, Mike, and the 'bots exit the cab and walk down to the nearest restaurant) TOM: Is there anywhere around here that serves RAM chips? CROW: Yeah, Joel, we haven't had a decent RAM chip in ages, it's not like humans can eat them! JOEL: You guys know that all the RAM chips were lost in the crash MIKE: And Gypsy's getting along just fine without RAM chips... (Gypsy is shown munching on a couple sticks of Pocky. She's still in her cursed form) TOM: Yeah, but without RAM chips, we...uh...we lose our memory! That's it! CROW: Yeah! After all, RAM stands for Random Access *Memory*!!! JOEL: That won't work, you guys, I built each of you bots with 96 megabytes of memory and a 2 gigabyte hard drive....you can't lose your memories! CROW: Tom, you said it would work! TOM: Hey, it was worth a shot.... (Cambot glares at both Tom and Crow, floating to one, then the other) TOM: Oh Cambot, simmer down....you don't even eat! (Cambot looke perturbed at this and slams into a nearby drink dispenser, letting the water fall all over him, the usual transformation ensues) CAMBOT: I don't eat, huh? I DON'T EAT, HUH?? (Cambot steps up to the ordering register) CAMBOT: I'd like two super Buster Burger Bombs, 4 orders of Medium Fries.... CROW: There goes the Cambot brigade again! TOM: Joel, Mike, what could cause Cambot to act like this?? MIKE: Don't ask me...Joel built him. JOEL: Yeah, but you re-built him. MIKE: It wasn't my fault one of the bots broke him in the panic. (Joel and Mike look to Tom) TOM: It was an accident...it was four years ago! Sheesh! (Cambot returns with an armload of food and sits at a table...the rest of the SOL crew joins her, but someone has been watching, from a far away table) MAN 1: It is! It's them!! MAN 2: Who? MAN 1: The ones we traveled through time to get!! And it seems the reports were right! MAN 2: What reports, Steve? MAN 1: Fred, I'm talking about the reports that said the famed Satellite fell into the cursed springs!! This could be the experiment of a lifetime! Nothing will stand in the way of Commander Franklin Forres- ter!!! FRED: Well, the law says that-- (Forrester *whap*s Fred) FRED: Owieowieowieowie!!! FORRESTER: Here's the plan... (Forrester and Fred put their heads together...back to the SOL crew, where Cambot's munching like there's no tomorrow) TOM: Whoa, Cambot, you can really put it away! CAMBOT: I told you I could eat! JOEL: Next time, Cambot, don't get so much. Not only is it not good for the human body, but it costs a fortune! CAMBOT: Sorry...still not used to a human body. CROW: Not much different that a robot body really, except that you have limbs. CAMBOT: That's a big difference! (Cambot suddenly grabs her stomach) CAMBOT: Ouch! What's wrong?? MIKE: I think your stomach's upset. CAMBOT: I think my food's trying to come back up... *urk* JOEL: I think you need a time out in the bathroom.....alone! (Cambot rushes into the ladies' room. Back to the secret table...) FORRESTER: Now we make our move... FRED: Huh? FORRESTER: One of them went into the ladies room FRED: But we can't go in there...we're men! FORRESTER: So we move quick! Let's go! FRED: But how quick? I have to go, too. FORRESTER: THEN HOLD IT!!! LET'S GO ALREADY!!! (Forrester and Fred head into the ladies room. After a few screeches, they rush out) FRED: I didn't know there'd be other women in there! (Forrester uhhhhs and holds his head mouthing "why me") FORRESTER: So we wait... (Forrester and Fred wait outside the door, getting weird looks from some of the women exiting the room, then Cambot steps out. They grab her!) FORRESTER: We got her, Fred! WOMAN OBSERVER: You pervert!! (She WHAPs Forrester and Frank...Cambot gets away back to the table) CAMBOT: Uh guys...someone's after us!! MIKE: Who could be after us all the way out here? GYPSY: Richard Basehart? CAMBOT: No!! You guys remember that space station Deep Space 13? TOM: Nope...we plum forgot all about it, Cambot. I think I...uh..purged it from my memory after that experience! CROW: Not here either! CAMBOT: THEY'RE HERE!!! MIKE: Who? CAMBOT: Commander Forrester and TV's Fred!! (Everyone stares open eyed at Cambot, and they try to escape when...) FORRESTER: Sorry, but this is the end of the line! (Forrester and Fred are covered in food thrown at them by angry women. Our 6 heroes can't help but laugh!!) FORRESTER: Stop that laughing!! (they continue...) FORRESTER: I said stop!! Fred, stop them! FRED: Live to serve ya! (Fred puts a status field around them) FRED: Hey! That's a typo! (no it's not...look) FRED: Poopie.... (The status field tells the status of each of the SOL crew) FORREESTER: Could you please now put the *stasis* field on them? (Fred puts the stasis field on the SOL crew. The freeze in mid-laugh) FORRESTER (addressing the patrons): Sorry, folks, just keep eating...these are our escaped test subjects. (Fred and Forrester leave towing the SOL crew behind them in a weird-looking transport, among the gawks of onlookers. Our heroes wake in a strange chamber. They have all been cold-watered) CROW: What's the deal here!! I thought we left them behind in the 24th Century!! JOEL: So did I...they must have built some kind of time machine. CROW: But you can't build a-- heh heh-- nevermind.... MIKE: But how do we escape? (Forrester enters the room) FORRESTER: Okay, boobies, you see, Fred and I are low on funds, so we need to raise some. We figured if we could shapeshift like you, we could put on a show and get money. CAMBOT: Maybe you should use your own faces and make it a horror show! CROW: Good one, Cambot! CAMBOT: Take the laugh, Crow! (Cambot Hi-5's Crow) FORRESTER: Joke all you wish, but we will get your secrets! JOEL: Uh, sirs...we don't *have* and secrets! MIKE: That's right, you just exposed us all to the water. FORRESTER: But I need to know how to change myself!! We will proceed to extract your DNA... TOM: WAIT! Now you know as well as I do that all extracting out DNA will do is just show you these forms... FORRESTER: ...which holds the secret of the change! CROW: Say...Maybe you could talk it over with Fred! FORRESTER: Fred's a puss! FRED (from another room): Uh, Commander...the Pepsi's leaking!! FORRESTER: OHHHH!!! I'll see you front-end loaders later.... (Forrester leaves) TOM: The 'Pepsi'?!? CROW: I don't *want* to know!! CAMBOT: What does he think this is? SST Death Flight?? JOEL: Now calm down, you guys, there's got to be some way out of here. Maybe there's a vent or something around here! CROW: Like that one? (Crow points to a small vent in the corner of the room) GYPSY: But it's so small! MIKE: Cambot could fit through, if we had some hot water. FORRESTER (from afar): Fred!! You overflowed the sink again! How many times do I have to tell you that if you're going to boil water, shut off the damn faucet! (A small stream of water heads toward the captivity area) TOM: Hey, look, we're in Plot Convenience Playhouse! CROW: Just a little closer... (The water stream stops just out of reach) MIKE: You were saying? GYPSY: What will we do now? JOEL: Are you sure it's too far for you to reach, Cambot? CAMBOT: I could try... (Cambot lays on the floor next to the bars separating their room and the rest of the building and reaches) CAMBOT: If....I..can just...reach....a bit...more....I GOT-- (Cambot touches the water and reverts back into robot form, cutting him off in mid-speech) JOEL: Way to go, trooper! Now find those two and see if we can get out of here! (Cambot nods and flies through the vent) TOM: Uh, Joel... JOEL: Yeah, Servo? TOM: How come we didn't just use that shelf over there to drag the water towards us? (Tom points to a small removable shelf on the wall...Joel *DOH*s) TOM: But that's not important now...all we can do is hope Cambot gets to them in time! CROW: Uh, in time for what, Tom? TOM: I don't know...but other action characters say it all the time! MIKE: Crow's right, we're really not in any rush. TOM: But...remember who's holding us captive! (They think in silence for a few seconds) CROW: HURRY UP, CAMBOT!!! (Back to Forrester and Fred) FORRESTER: Okay, Test #12....did you get that DNA I asked for? FRED: Oh!! DNA!! I thought you said BLT! Here's your lunch. (Fred hands a BLT to Forrester) FORRESTER: Fred, how do you exist? FRED: huh? FORRESTER: I thought humans needed BRAINS to survive!! FRED: Sorry, Steve FORRESTER: NOW WILL YOU GET ME THAT DNA ALREADY!!! FRED: Live t'serve ya! (Fred heads back to the cell) FORRESTER: Okay...boiling point secured....Pepsi not leaking....now all I need is the DNA and I can-- (Cambot pops out of the vent and gets in Forrester's face) FORRESTER: NO!! YOU'LL RUIN EVERYTHING!! CAMBOT (thinking): Now there's a cliched line if I ever heard one! FORRESTER: I'll get you but good!! Taste the red-hot steel of Commander Franklin "Firebrand" Forrester!! (Forrester takes out a sword and swipes at Cambot, but Cambot dodges much like that little ball in Star Wars where Luke was trying to bap at it with the light saber but it kept shooting off little lasers which--) FORRESTER: ENOUGH ALREADY, AUTHOR!!! (Jeez, I just wanted to make sure you knew what I meant!) FORRESTER: That's it! I've had enough of your dodging! (Forrester finds some cold water (don't ask where) and splashes Cambot, who falls to the ground) CAMBOT: Um....I think you tainted the Pepsi.... (Forrester looks to see that he did indeed splash some water on the Pepsi!) FORRESTER: I'm not licked yet!! All I need is the DNA!! CAMBOT: If you want to shapeshift, why don't you just go to Jusenkyo your- self? FORRESTER: Because we-- (Dawn comes to marblehead...well, to Forrester) FORRESTER: FRED!! (Fred comes out of nowhere with a bunch of TNT) FORRESTER: Why didn't you say that we could just go back to-- Wait a min- ute...what are you doing with that TNT? FRED: Well, you said you wanted some TNT for the experiment, so... (Forrester drags Fred by the ear to the chalkboard, he draws a HUGE "D") FORRESTER: What's that letter, Fred? FRED: A "D" (Forrester draws a HUGE "N") FORRESTER: And that one? FRED: An "N" (Forrester draws a HUGE "A") FORRESTER: And that one? FRED: An "A" FORRESTER: D!! N!! A!! DNA!! not BLT, not TNT, D N A !!!! FRED: Poopie! FORRESTER: Doesn't matter now...we have to get to China! CAMBOT: You sure? Jusenkyo is a dangerous place! FRED: Well...*heh*...I kinda...like..lit the TNT... FORRESTER: Well, that's just gr-- YOU LIT THE TNT?!? (Cambot gets wide-eyed and tries to get out of there FAST!! She steals Fred's keys) FRED: Hey!! My keys!! (Cambot runs to the cell and uses the keys to unlock the door, letting the SOL crew out) MIKE: Cambot has come through for us again!! CAMBOT: Come on, guys, this place is about to BLOW!! CROW: This place already blows! JOEL: Crow! GYPSY: We need to get out of here!! (Our heroes rush for the doorway, and outside onto the streets of Russia) TOM: DUCK!!!! (The lab explodes with a KABOOM! An earthshattering KABOOM!) TOM: Enough with the Warner Brothers jokes, author! (sorry) MIKE: Look here, guys, there's a train here that goes direct to Moscow! GYPSY: Come on, guys!! (They get to the train, plop down some rubles--) CROW: Where did we get rubles? (Um...you, uh, stole them from Forrester, yeah, that's it!) CROW: Whatever... (Anyway, you go onto the train and speed off, but, in the rubble, a dog and a girl arise from the ruins. The dog sounds very angry and is barking to the girl) GIRL: Well, you were the one who never told me that you had Jusenkyo water here...looks like it *was* as easy as we thought! DOG: *arf arf grrrr arf* GIRL: Hmm...looks like TV's Fred will be running things from now on!! I can see it now! When we get back to Deep Space 13, we'll-- (Dog (actually Forrester, of course) bites Fred's leg) FRED: Owieowieowieowie!!! T H E E N D PREVIEWS OF COMING ATTRACTIONS: #304 - MST 1/2 Part 4 In Lithuania, the SOL crew meets up with a champion ice skater, and he offers a free trip towards Minneapolis, but only if Cambot can defeat him in a figure skating contest! #305 - MST 1/2 Part 5 Berlin, after the wall. That city may have been through a lot, but nothing like what's about to happen when Crow gets charged with a theft while in his cursed form! Of course, since all the cursed forms look like his, hilarity results! **************************************************************************** * From: emiofbrie@earthlink.net * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures is a work of fan-fiction not intended * * for profit, but only for fun reading. Any similarity to real persons, * * living or dead, is purely coincidental * * * * Characters from Mystery Science Theater 3000 created by Joel Hodgson and * * Michael J. Nelson. Copyright 1988, 1990, 1993 Best Brains Productions * * * * 'Jusenkyo' and 'Nyannichuan' Copyright 1987 Rumiko Takahashi * * * * All other characters created by Emi M. Briet -- Copyright 1996 * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures - "MST 1/2 Part 3" - C 1996 * ****************************************************************************