Mystery Science Theater Adventures Show 302 Reel 1.... "MST 1/2 Part II" In the not too distant future, another September day Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank left to go their separate way They left by using the time machine To go back home to Deep 13 But disturbance put the SOL off base The Satellite Of Love fell out of space!!! The satellite crash landed, near a little Chinese spring (lalala) All 6 were thrown into it by the force of the landing (lalala) Now keep in mind this certain spring had a curse that was at hand (lalala) And the curse affected Joel and Mike, and also their robot friends! ROBOT ROLL CALL Cambot (on a rage) Gypsy ("Richard Basehart") Tom Servo ("lookin' good") Croooow!! (still a wisecracker) Gizmonic Institute's their goal, as they trek from day to day (lalala) And repeat to yourself, "It's just a file," and let the story go where it may On MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER ADVENTURES!!!! (no door sequence...SOL is gone. Opens in the mountains of Tibet. The SOL crew apparently found hot water, as all (save Cambot) have reverted to their normal forms) MAGIC VOICE: Human fatigue in 5..4..3..2..1..Human fatigue now.... (Joel, Mike, and Cambot collapse in heaps on the ground) TOM: Cambot, I told you to share in the hot bath with us....now look at you! CAMBOT: Must.....carry......on..... CROW: *heh heh* Batteries running a little low, Cambot?? TOM: You know, being able to talk isn't everything, Cambot, and the price you pay is high! CROW: Yeah, like once I heard the Mads say Joel had his head up hi-- (Joel weakly reaches up and grasps Crow by his head-net, pulling him down) CROW: Uh...heh....I was just kidding, Joel!! JOEL: Time......out..... TOM: Crow there's no time for fooling around!! We have to find a village or something....there *has* to be a village!! There's been some kind of nearby village or city practically every episode!! GYPSY: Ooo! Snow!! (Snow starts to fall around the crew) CAMBOT (sarcastic): Great!! Just what.....we need.... CROW: Uh, Servo.... TOM: Yeah what is it? CROW: Uh, if snow's falling, then....well.....maybe you better look at yourself (Yup! The SOL crew is once again all human!) TOM: ARGH!! I wish Gypsy had steered us better! GYPSY: I couldn't steer! TOM: Look....those of you not tired, carry those who are....we all weigh about the same anyway... (Tom carries Joel, Crow carries Mike, and Gypsy carries Cambot, but footsteps can be heard in the distance) CROW: What was that? GYPSY: MAGIC VOICE IS GONE!!! (Tom drops Joel and Crow starts to panic) CROW: OH NO!! MAGIC VOICE!! WHATAREWEGONNADO?!?!? AAAAAAAHH!!!! TOM: There's got to be a reasonable explanation for all of this....what is it? CROW: SHE'S BEEN STOLEN!!!! CAMBOT: Must...find her..... (Cambot, Mike, and Joel all fall asleep) TOM: I heard footsteps over that way (points in a direction) Maybe we'll get our answers that way! GYPSY: Let's go, guys!! (Gypsy, Tom, and Crow trudge through the rapidly accumulating snow into the nearby woods) TOM: These footsteps are getting harder and harder to follow. CROW: I know, and Mike's not getting any lighter! TOM: Neither is Joel, Crow, but we must trudge on, like the narrator said! CROW: No normal man could ever survive out here...now I know how a human feels about the cold. TOM: And I thought I had it bad as "Weather-Servo 9". As least as a robot, I can't feel the cold. (off in the distance, a man is peering through a pair of binoculars, looking at the cursed form of Tom Servo) MAN: Oh...you are a vision of loveliness, my scarlet-haired goddess...I shall have you again!! MAGIC VOICE: 15 minutes until rescue.....14:59...14:58....you will not get away with this....14:56.... MAN: Will you shut up already?!? (Back to our heroes...they have set up camp under the protection of a tree. Joel, Mike, and Cambot wake up) CAMBOT: Have we found Magic Voice yet? TOM: Nope, just resting for a bit....you guys aren't exactly *light*, you know! CROW: Yeah, Mike.....I think you had one too many Hamdingers before we crashed....heh heh CAMBOT: Well...hot water would be rather useless right now...so the best we can do is go wherever we are headed to find Magic Voice! GYPSY: Guys!! The tracks are disappearing!! JOEL: What tracks? TOM: Oh, just the tracks that are being covered by the snow. CAMBOT: *What* was that, Servo?? TOM: The tracks that are being...covered...by....uh....nice weather we're having, isn't it? (Cambot SLAPs Tom) CAMBOT: You idiot!! Now we'll never find Magic Voice!! JOEL: Maybe if we all split up....go in 6 directions..... MIKE: Sounds good to me...bots? TOM: So let me understand this...you want me to trudge through unknown territory, possibly getting myself lost in the woods to do God-knows- what?? (Joel and Mike nod) TOM: Count me in, then?? I live for danger! The thrills! The excitement! Besides, I could unknowingly lead myself to a nice girls camp, where I could be rubbed down with mango juice as I-- (Cambot SLAPs Tom again!) CAMBOT: Just do it, Mister Salty! TOM: Ok Ok I'm gone! (Tom walks off in one direction, with Crow going off in another soon after) JOEL: Ok...I'll go to the north. Mike, go back the way we came. Gypsy, you hold down the fort. GYPSY: Can't I look, too? JOEL: Someone's got to stay by the camp, look out for anyone suspicious. GYPSY: Roger Dodger! JOEL: Cambot, you follow down that old clearing. CAMBOT: Sure thing, Joelerini! (The crew go their separate ways...we focus now on Tom Servo....) TOM: Why did I accept this mission? I can't take this snow much longer! (Suddenly, a man jumps out from a tree and GLOMPS Tom!) MAN: Oh, my red-maned fantasy!!! TOM: ACK!!! Who are you?? MAN: I am known as Onuk...I am the keeper of these woods....I have been looking for my mate for over 1500 years, and now I have found you! TOM: 1500 years?? Impossible...the average human lifespan is only 75! ONUK: As long as the forest remains, so do I....do you not remember?? You strayed into China 1500 years ago and I have never heard from you until just now! Oh, my Lacivia! You have come back to me!! TOM: Uh...my name is Tom Servo... ONUK: Oh who could be so vile as to wipe your memory, my love...I shall make sure you remember me, my sweet! TOM: I don't know what you are talking about! ONUK: You shall come back to me....our house is this way.... (Onuk grabs Tom and runs off through the snow) ONUK: Here we are...back to our house, remember?? TOM: I don't know who you think I am, but-- MAGIC VOICE: Servo?? TOM: MAGIC VOICE!!! MAGIC VOICE: and with 10 minutes to spare.... ONUK: Oh shut up you damn box! You're not rescued yet! TOM: I could always rescue her. ONUK: Lacivia?? What connection do you have to this annoying little contrap- tion? TOM: Well.....she's...she's my...my conscience, that's it...my conscience! ONUK: Then it is most vile of creation!! It is the box that has clouded your awareness, my love! TOM: WILL YOU STOP THAT?!? (Back to the camp, everyone else has returned) JOEL: Well, now we just have to wait for Tom to get back. CROW: How long do you plan to wait? JOEL: Well, I was thinking 5 minutes, and then if he doesn't show up, then we'll have to look for him CROW: Oh..ok.... CAMBOT: It really isn't like Servo to just go off and leave us like that. GYPSY: I think we should look for him. MIKE: I think I agree with Gypsy CROW: I say let him find his own way...heh heh... JOEL: I say you need a time out. (Joel grabs Crow by the back of her jumpsuit and drags her off. Meanwhile, back at the house...) ONUK: You must be cold...let me draw you a warm bath, my love. (Onuk goes into the bathroom, you can hear water running) TOM (to Magic Voice): I'll get you out of here while he's running the bath. Stay quiet while-- (Onuk returns) ONUK: It's ready, my love...I'll be in the kitchen... (Onuk disappears into the kitchen. Tom goes to the bathroom and looks at the bathtub) TOM: I can't go in there....then I won't be able to carry Magic Voice out of here. ONUK (yelling from kitchen): I'll turn on the jacuzzi jets, love! (Onuk does so, but they apparently malfunction as a jet shoots straight up, hitting Tom, changing him back to a robot) TOM: Uh-oh....gotta hide....but where?? (Tom finds a small space between the bathtub and the wall and just stays there, not moving. Onuk enters) ONUK: My love! Where did you go? (Onuk looks around frantically) ONUK: Where could she go?? MAGIC VOICE (from living room): She went thataway! ONUK: Thank you! (Onuk runs out the door, giving Tom a chance to move back into the living room) TOM: Thanks, Magic Voice, that was close! MAGIC VOICE: Snow stopping in 5..4..3..2..1..Snow stopping now.. TOM: Just great! I'm gonna have to leave you here...it's not like I can carry you out. I'll go get the rest... (Tom leaves the building....back to Joel and co.) CAMBOT: Over there!! (Cambot points to the small building Tom just left) MIKE: What are we waiting for, let's go in! (Joel, Mike, and the 3 'bots' enter the building just in time to hear...) MAGIC VOICE: ..2..1..rescue arrival now. CROW: How is it Magic Voice always knows when events happen? JOEL: It's really simple, Crow, just read the last line of the theme. CROW: huh? CAMBOT: He means it's just a file, you should really just relax! CROW: oh... (Gypsy grabs Magic Voice and they all leave the building...and not 15 seconds later...) TOM: Sorry, Magic Voice, but I can't.... (Tom realizes Magic Voice is missing) TOM: I think that's more than a bit obvoius. (oh...sorry) TOM: Onuk must have taken her somewhere....I have to find her! (Tom exits the building again) TOM: Footsteps! Those are new! Maybe they belong to whoever took Magic Voice! (Tom follows the footsteps, hovering above the snow, until he comes upon a clearing, with scantilly-clad females brandishing mango juice bottles!) TOM: Saaay... *heh* (Just kidding!) TOM: You really have a mean streak, don't you? (Comes with my writers' freedom!) (Tom comes to a clearing where the camp used to be) TOM: Now where did everyone go? (The answer to that question....) CROW: Joel, I've been walking in circles forever! Can't we just accept that maybe Servo has been mutilated by wildebeasts? (Cambot WHAPs Crow) CROW: OW! What did I say? MIKE: We're not stopping until we find Tom. He has to be around here somewhere! CROW: You got to give up sometime. (she looks behind her back at the rest of the crew) Realize that maybe Servo's AAAAAH!!!! (Crow has fallen over a cliff) GYPSY: CROW!!! (Crow gets up, but now in his normal form) CROW: Hey! Get this! There's a hot spring here! (Mike, Joel, Gypsy, and Cambot look over the cliff to see it's just a 4-foot drop to a hot spring) CAMBOT: You guys go in....I'll stay like this. JOEL: That's what you said last time....and remember what happened? CAMBOT: Good point! BANZAI!! (Cambot jumps into the spring and goes back to his normal spherical form. He floats up and nudges Joel and Mike) JOEL: Ok, we're going, we're going! *chuckle* (Joel and Mike enter the spring and change back into males) MIKE: It would be pointless for Gypsy to change back...as soon as her hose touches the ground, she's human again anyway. (Cambot gives the 'come along' sign) MAGIC VOICE: Servo in 5..4..3..2..1.. Servo n-- TOM: Hey, guys! (Cambot looks at Magic Voice with a weird look) MAGIC VOICE: Hey....I'm good! (Joel carries Crow, Mike carries Magic Voice, and everyone's about to go when they hear...) ONUK: MY LOVE!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!? TOM: Oh no.... (Onuk glomps onto Gypsy) ONUK: My love, you left the cabin! I was wondering where you were! GYPSY: Hmm? TOM: Oh, he's just some lovesick guy named Onuk...lost his lover some 1500 years ago...guy's an immortal! MIKE: Tom, did you just say "1500 years ago"? TOM: Yeah, so? JOEL: I think what Mike's trying to say is that this guy's girlfriend is the girl who drowned back in China to give us our curses. (Gypsy looks at Onuk) GYPSY: Richard Basehart? JOEL (comforting): No, Gypsy, that's not Richard Basehart. GYPSY: Oh.... ONUK: Oh, how can my lover have been reduced to just a wandering gypsy? TOM: Hey, Onuk! Get a clue, OK. Her *name* is Gypsy! Didn't you hear a single word anyone said in the last 10 lines of dialogue?!? ONUK (still glomping Gypsy): My love! CROW: Oh, brother! TOM: One unanswered question... Why did you steal Magic Voice anyway? ONUK: You mean that annoying talking box? MAGIC VOICE: Offense taken in 5..4..-- ONUK: PLEASE shut up! (Magic Voice stops talking) ONUK: I stole it to get your attention, my love! MIKE: Let me, guys... (to Onuk): I'm sorry to say your lover drowned some 1500 years ago in China....cursed a spring of water and we fell into it. ONUK: No! I won't believe it!! GYPSY: You're not Richard Basehart! (Onuk runs off into the woods) CROW: Ok, now, while he's gone! TOM: You're real incorigible, Crow. That man is hurt beyond belief and all you can think of is yourself? CROW: Well, yeah.... TOM: Joel, let's just go before we do any more damage.....there's a road up there. MIKE: Well...now all we need is a cab. (The SOL crew gets to the road and sure enough, a cab comes by and picks them up) TOM: Wow! Did I say the author had a mean streak? Guess I was wrong. (They pile into the cab) CABBIE: Where to, buddy? TOM: Minneapolis, m'man! (The cab drives off into the sunset.....) T H E E N D PREVIEWS OF COMING ATTRACTIONS: #303 - MST 1/2 Part 3 The SOL crew enters Russia, where someone finds out about their curses and wants to keep them in Russia indefinitely to study their 'abnor- mal' behavior! #304 - MST 1/2 Part 4 In Lithuania, the SOL crew meets up with a champion ice skater, and he offers a free trip towards Minneapolis, but only if Cambot can defeat him in a figure skating contest! **************************************************************************** * From: emiofbrie@earthlink.net * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures is a work of fan-fiction not intended * * for profit, but only for fun reading. Any similarity to real persons, * * living or dead, is purely coincidental * * * * Characters from Mystery Science Theater 3000 created by Joel Hodgson and * * Michael J. Nelson. Copyright 1988, 1990, 1993 Best Brains Productions * * * * 'Jusenkyo' and 'Nyannichuan' Copyright 1987 Rumiko Takahashi * * * * All other characters created by Emi M. Briet -- Copyright 1996 * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures - "MST 1/2 Part 2" - C 1996 * ****************************************************************************