Mystery Science Theater Adventures Show 207 Reel 1 "Temporal 'Nipple Tweak'" In the not too distant future, September of '96 Dr. Forrester had just received his latest load of flicks Too late to bring back Mike and Joel So the future is where he had to go A return trip home was set in place But short-circuiting the time machine warped them out of space!! The Satellite's now jumping, from year to year to year Mike Nelson remains missing, giving everyone cause to fear Now keep in mind they can't control where the time-jumps begin or end Pray for Dr. F and Frank and Joel, and also their robot friends.... ROBOT ROLL CALL Cambot (saves the day) Gypsy (whatta pilot) Tom Servo (gotcha voice back) Croooow! (still the wisecracker) "Is this jump the jump back home," they wonder every day So repeat to yourself, "It's just a file," and let the story go where it may On MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER ADVENTURES!!! (1..2..3..4..5..6..G) (The SOL's a mess from a rough transition to their new destination) JOEL: Oh, man, the time machine's toasted!! FORRESTER: So what do you expect us to do now? CROW: Well, you two built the thing, you should repair it! FRANK: That's a great idea! All we need is...uh...well.... (Dr. F looks at the inner workings) FORRESTER: We need a new quantum fibulator. To build one we need some lead. JOEL: Gypsy, could you find us some lead? GYPSY: Roger dodger! (Gypsy exits the bridge) TOM: Hey guys chill! At least we know we're on Earth. CROW: Good thing since we've BEEN ON EARTH ALL YEAR!! TOM: Oh yeah...*heh* JOEL: The only question is, though, what year is it? FRANK: Hey look out the window! I see a mint condition 1945 Ford! CROW: Joel, your question just got answered. (Gypsy returns) GYPSY: No lead! FORRESTER: So how are we gonna repair the time machine? JOEL: I guess we have to go outside and find lead. TOM: Joel, didn't we just go outside to find something *last* time? JOEL: Yes, but that was to help Torgo...now we have to help ourselves. If the time machine gets fixed, then maybe we could finally get home! FORRESTER: Oh Frank, there seems to be a problem with the hydroelectric route router. I'm gonna need some help with this. Get me the embronic gyrator. FRANK: Live to serve ya! (Frank goes over to help Dr. F) FORRESTER: You guys go and look for the lead...we'll stay here and effect repairs. JOEL: Ok...bots are with me. (Joel and bots leave the SOL) FORRESTER (looking out the gangway): Ok, they're gone! Frank, this is our chance of a lifetime! FRANK: What is it? FORRESTER: I've unhooked the machine from the SOL. As soon as we get the lead, we'll warp out of here on our own and leave Joel behind! FRANK: But what about the experiments? FORRESTER: We don't need them anymore! After what happened over the last year, we'll make enough money off of books and movie rights to keep us going until we die! FRANK: I see...so we'll be rich, right? FORRESTER: I think you're getting my point Frank.....finally! (meanwhile, outside the ship) JOEL: You know, guys, I'm starving. Let's find a place to eat. (Joel and the bots walk awhile and find a place called...) TOM: "Al's Cafe"?!? CROW: Cool! Just like in "Commando Cody"! JOEL: And it *looks* just like the one in "Cody" too. TOM: Maybe they didn't want to spend the money on a prop. GYPSY: RAM chips!! JOEL: Sorry, Gypsy, there are no RAM chips here, but we can-- (An explosion is heard in the distance accompanied by what sounds like a Chevy horn!) CROW: Uh, Joel......This is getting weird! (A man in a flying suit appears in the sky shortly, it's....) TOM: PUMPKIN BOY!!!!! (Try again, guys....) GYPSY: Commando Cody!!! (Cody lands near the entrance to Al's) CODY: I think I lost them. TOM: Lost who? (Cody double-takes at seeing a man with 4 robots behind him) CODY: Who are you? JOEL: I'm Joel Robinson and these are my robots Crow... CROW: That's one 'o'! JOEL: ...Tom Servo... TOM: Hello there! JOEL: ...Gypsy... GYPSY: Richard Basehart!! JOEL: ...and Cambot... (Cambot nods) CODY: I'm Commando Cody...that explosion you may have heard is the result of an atomic ray. Even as I speak I'm trying to thwart an invasion from the moon. (Crow snickers) JOEL: Well, we're just looking for some lead around here...do you know where we can find some? CODY: I think I may have some in the lab. Follow me. (Cody leads the SOL crew to the lab. It's ransacked) CODY: One guess... TOM: Who? CODY: Graber and Daly, two humans who sold out their planet for profit. (Cody looks in a secret drawer) CODY: And they took the lead! CROW: Oh come on! You expect us to believe that moon men want the lead for some secret plan? CODY: Exactly! Retik must have something grand up his sleeve this time! TOM (to Joel): Joel, he's scaring me.... CODY: Maybe you guys can help! I need to get to the moon to try and thwart Retik. the rest of my crew have been kidnapped and I have to try and rescue them! TOM: Even Ted? CODY: Especially Te-- WAIT! How do you know who I work with? CROW: We have an inside source! JOEL: We saw..uh...old newsreel footage applauding your attempts to thwart Retik! CODY: Oh...Ok then....come with me... (Cody and the SOL crew walk around to a clearing in the back of the Cody Institute. There's a small rocket there) CODY: This rocket will take us to the moon. There we will break into Retik's stronghold and rescue my friends. TOM: How long will the trip to the moon take? CODY: 20 minutes (Tom snickers) TOM (to Joel): This is one warped alternate universe! (Cody and the SOL crew pile into the rocket and take their seats) CODY: Got your seat belts fashioned? CROW: No, they're not a law yet! JOEL: Crow.... CROW: Sorry...couldn't resist! *heh heh* CODY: Ok.....firing all jets.... (*One* jet fires from the back of the rocket as it lifts off from the ground) CROW: Joel, how do you get us into these things? JOEL: Oh, you know, it's just one of those things I do. (meanwhile, back on the SOL) FRANK: Here's that dicopulator you asked for, Steve! FORRESTER: Thanks, Frank, you're actually being useful today! FRANK: Thanks! FORRESTER: The only problem is that once the time machine starts, it may take the SOL with it, except it won't land with us. FRANK: Poopie FORRESTER: No! That's a good problem...it means we may have a way to ex- plain Joel's death! Then he'll be out of our hair for good, and we can live the good life. Think of it Frank...fast cars, large houses, women! FRANK: Yeah, we're the gods...WE'RE THE GODS!! FORRESTER: Don't overdo it. (Back on the rocket. It lands on...the moon?) CODY: Here we are....at the towering spires of the moon! There's no air out there so you'll have to wear a containment suit like mine, Joel. (Cody and the SOL crew step into the airlock. Joel gets into a Commando Cody type of suit. Cody drains the air out and they step out) CODY: I'll do some aerial reconnaisance...you 5 scout out the ground. (Cody does his 'nipple-tweak' and flies off into the blue sky of the moon!) TOM: Joel, how long do we have to stay here? JOEL: Until we find Cody's friends...let's get to it... CROW: This is driving me nuts! JOEL: Well, it should all be over soon....let's go guys... (Joel and the bots walk off toward a large superstructure in the distance) TOM: Hey, I recognize that place! That's Retik's hideout! CROW: For a hideout, it seems pretty far in the open. GYPSY: I found the entryway!! (Joel and the bots enter the small door into an airlock. Joel puts the air into it and exits out the other side with the bots) JOEL: You know, for some reason, this door feels a bit lighter than it should. TOM: That's because it's not made of lead. (Cody enters right behind them) CODY: Good, you found the entryway. Now we have to find the guards to free Ted and the others. (Cody leads the SOL crew through the maze of hallways in the hideout) CODY: This is a big place....we have to make sure we don't split up, else we could get lost in here! (Cambot stops in place and looks to the side. The others follow him back) JOEL: What is it, Cambot? CODY: Look!! (They see the cells where Cody's friends are kept) CODY: Ted!! TED: Cody, you gotta get out of here! The guard's almost back! CODY: No way! I'm geting you and the others out of here! TOM: I'll get the door. (Tom hovers up to the lock, a metallic something protrudes from his chest and he picks the lock with it, letting Ted and the others out) CROW: This way!! (Crow leads the others out of the compound. However, Joel accidentally slams into the door of the airlock, *breaking* it??) TOM: Joel, I didn't know you were that strong! (Gypsy looks off into another direction) GYPSY: The lead! CODY: I got it...let's go! Put your suits on, gang! JOEL: How did I break that door down? CODY: Not important! Come on! (Cody, his friends, and the SOL gang hightail it to the rocket) TOM (to Joel): Joel, doesn't it seem a bit peculiar that Cody has never taken his helmet off the whole time we've been here? JOEL (to Tom): Now that you mention it, yes it does... (Gypsy hits a rock and it splits open?!?) TOM: Hey! That's just styrofoam!! What's going on here? JOEL: Yeah, what *is* going on? CODY: Ok you got me... (Cody presses one of the buttons on his control pack and Ted and the others disappear, leaving only him and the SOL crew) CODY: I decided to have a bit of fun with you guys. I found myself in 1945 and found this old movie set, so over the last 6 months I put it all to- gether. CROW: WHOOOO ARRRRE YOUUUUU? (Cody lifts off his helmet to reveal....) SOL CREW: MIKE!!!! MIKE: So....how have you all been? TOM: You made us go all through that just for a bit of fun? MIKE: Well....yeah....after all I did have 6 months to do it in! CROW: So how did you know we'd need lead to fix the machine? MIKE: Because I found this... (Mike shows a paper on the time machine's original lead. "1 year warranty") JOEL: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go back to the Satellite! TOM: One problem, Joel. JOEL: What? TOM: WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?!? MIKE: No problem.....follow me! (Mike leads the SOL crew out of the studio area of the moon set.) MIKE: I think you guys crashed somewhere in the open town set. That's a few miles from here. GYPSY: Miles? MIKE: Yes...um...thataway! (Mike points in what seems to be just any direction) CROW: Well, as good a direction as any....let's go! (They walk off in that direction, toward the set. Halfway through, Tom's beeper beeps a bit, then shuts off) TOM: Looks like Freebie and the Bean have got the ol' machine fixed! (on the SOL) FORRESTER: You idiot Frank! You almost tipped them off to the machine being fixed! FRANK: But we still need the lead. FORRESTER: Joel and the others will be coming back with it soon, I hope. But after that, it's just a matter of plugging in the lead and we're out of here! Are the controls set to Deep 13 in August 1997? FRANK: Check! FORRESTER: Gigaparticle chamber loaded? FRANK: Check! FORRESTER: Negative flow redistributior balanced? FRANK: A-ok Steve-a-rino! FORRESTER: The time machine's finally fixed! We have full control over it now! We can get out of this nightmare and back to Deep 13! Now we wait for the fools! (on the set) GYPSY: Satellite Ho!! TOM: Where? Where? JOEL: Over there, you guys! In that clearing! CROW: Bansai!! (The SOL crew run over to the SOL quickly and stop at the gangplank so Mike and Joel can catch their breath) TOM: Come on! We have to get the lead in there, the proverbial hour is nigh if you know what I mean! (Joel, Mike, and the bots enter the SOL) JOEL: We got the lead si-- FORRESTER: Good... (Dr. F puts the lead into the machine and it springs to life) FRANK: We now have control of it! FORRESTER: And before we go, let me say....it was nice knowing you! MIKE: Huh? Fill me in here! FORRESTER: Simple....we're gonna go back to 1997 and write a book and make millions! (The SOL starts to lift off the ground slowly) FORRESTER: Frank, let's get out of here! *heh* (The time machine envelops the SOL in a glow and blinks off to the next des- tination. The SOL re-emerges, but without Forrester, Frank, or the time machine!!) MIKE: Where did they go?? (The SOL sputters out in the sky and starts to lean down toward the ground) GYPSY: MAYDAY!! MAYDAY!! CROW: At least the chronometers all say we're in 1997! TOM: NOT NOW CROW!! JOEL: Brace yourselves!! (The SOL starts plummetting to the ground!) TOM: *snif* It was nice knowing you all... CROW: *snif* Until next life!! GYPSY: *snif* Richard Basehart! Richard Basehart!! JOEL: We're going down in China! MAGIC VOICE: Impact in 15 seconds MIKE: Gypsy, try to bring the nose up! TOM: Mike,the ship doesn't have a 'nose'. GYPSY: Trying... MAGIC VOICE: Impact in 5...4...3...2...1... Impact-- (The SOL crashes onto the ground and splits in half next to a small spring of water. Joel, Mike, and the bots are thrown out of the ship into the spring. A few bubbles come to the surface....are they ok?) MAGIC VOICE (a bit garbled): Guys.....guys.... (Suddenly, 6 beautiful red-headed girls arise from the spring!) ALL 6 GIRLS(looking at each other): AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! TO BE CONTINUED.... What has happened to the SOL crew? Are they still at the bottom of the spring? And who are the 6 girls who have appeard in their places? Find out in September when we get to the third season of Mystery Science Theater Adventures!! Coming in September is the first MSTA Mini-Series, called "MST 1/2", which will take most or all of Season 3. PREVIEWS OF COMING ATTRACTIONS.... #301 - MST 1/2-Part 1 No spoilers here--find out in September #302 - MST 1/2-Part 2 None here either, guess you'll have to find out later! ;) **************************************************************************** * From: emiofbrie@earthlink.net * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures is a work of fan-fiction not intended * * for profit, but only for fun reading. Any similarity to real persons, * * living or dead, is unintentional. * * * * Characters from Mystery Science Theater 3000 created by Joel Hodgson and * * Michael J. Nelson. Copyright 1988, 1990, 1993 Best Brains Productions * * * * All other characters created by Emi M. Briet -- Copyright 1995 * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures - "Temporal 'Nipple Tweak'" - C 1995 * ****************************************************************************