Mystery Science Theater Adventures Show 206 Reel 1 "The Return Of Torgo" In the not too distant future, September of '96 Dr. Forrester had just received his latest load of flicks Too late to bring back Mike and Joel So the future is where he had to go A return trip home was set in place But short-circuiting the time machine warped them out of space!! The Satellite's now jumping, from year to year to year Mike Nelson remains missing, giving everyone cause to fear Now keep in mind they can't control where the time-jumps begin or end Pray for Dr. F and Frank and Joel, and also their robot friends.... ROBOT ROLL CALL Cambot (saves the day) Gypsy (whatta pilot) Tom Servo (gotcha voice back) Croooow! (still the wisecracker) "Is this jump the jump back home," they wonder every day So repeat to yourself, "It's just a file," and let the story go where it may On MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER ADVENTURES!!! (1..2..3..4..5..6..G) LAST TIME ON MSTA.... (Joel gets back into the SOL and closes the airlock. Mike watches as the SOL glows and disappears to God-knows-where. Mike scans the area) MIKE: I'll find you again! And next time, I'll be going back with you! BURKE: So close! So close! Come, Devon! DEVON: No way! You were going to ditch me! From now on, you're on your own! BURKE: But I have apple fritters back at the lab! DEVON: Oooooo.....Okay! (Burke and Devon leave. Mike continues scanning) MIKE: The temporal disturbance is very odd this time....as if there's some- thing strange influencing the other side! I pray everyone on the Satellite's OK.... (The SOL, 2133 A.D. Joel and Co. look surprised!) JOEL: It's....YOU! (A familiar theme from experiment 424 plays......it's TORGO!! With his ass- istant Joey) TORGO: gOoD eVeNiNg.... CROW: Hey Torgo, how's the buffalo wing business going? JOEY: Dude, that's what we need to talk to you all about! There are, like, no buffalo wings in the universe anymore.. TORGO: ThEy HaVe BeCoMe ExTiNcT iN tHe 24th CeNtUrY JOEY: So, like, we built this time machine to go back to the past, dudes! FORRESTER: Joel, what are they doing here? JOEL: We saw them in the 24th Century and they started a business... TOM: How could buffalo wings get extinct? TORGO: We RaN oUt... JOEY: So we have to, like, go back in the past and find them..... FRANK: I know....we could go back to Deep 13 and get some! FORRESTER: How? FRANK: Uh.....heh....well, I have to fix the time machine first. (Dr, F whaps Frank) FRANK: Owieowieowieowieowie!!! GYPSY: Hey guys!! We've landed!! CROW: Where in 2133 are we? (Tom sees a bubble-shaped dome building in the distance out the window) TOM: MOTHER!!! (Tom rushes out of the ship) JOEL: He's having delusions again! We have to find him! (Joel, Dr. F, Frank, Tor-- Oh heck, they all get out of the ship after Tom. Tom can go pretty fast for someone who has no feet!) TOM: MOTHER!! MOTHER!! JOEL: He's heading for that building over there! It says, "Wings 'R Us" FRANK: Oh goody! I'm hungry!! CROW: Have any Killer Shrew? (Frank winces at the thought) FRANK: Suddenly I'm not so hungry! CROW: heh heh FORRESTER: Fruits you will never enjoy, Frank! JOEL: Will you stop it! Tom just went inside the building! (Everyone else follows Tom inside.....except....) TORGO (yelling a good distance away): WaIt Up!!!! (Joel and co. waits while really cheesy music plays....) FORRESTER: Will you stop that, author! (...or not *heh heh*) FORRESTER: Thank you! (no problem...after a few minutes, Torgo arrives) TORGO: "WiNgS 'r Us"....sOuNdS lIkE a GoOd PlAcE tO fInD wInGs....... JOEY: Oh no!! Dudes, look at the menu!! (Menu says "Bat wings, Turkey wings, Duck wings, Sparrow wings, Angel wings, Archangel wings, and Griffon wings") FRANK: No chicken or buffalo wings? FORRESTER: Frank, buffalo wings *are* chicken wings. FRANK: Oh... TOM: MOTHER!! JOEL: Oh I have to tend to him... (Joel flips a couple switches on Servo) TOM: I don't know what I was thinking! JOEL: He does this every time he sees a bubble dome... FRANK: I WANT BUFFALO WINGS!!! CROW: Oh cheer up Frank, there'll be other buffalo wings...maybe in a far off land, hundreds of miles away.... JOEL: Crow! CROW: Aw...can't a bot have a bit of fun anymore? JOEL: I think you need a time out... (Joel drags Crow to the side of the room by the scruff of the net) FORRESTER: So where do we go now? I don't care to spend my day looking for a particular type of food! (Cambot looks out the door both ways...you don't know why. He pulls in when it starts to rain) TORGO: WaIt....ThErE iS sOmEtHiNg I fOrGoT tO tElL yOu.... JOEY: Oh yeah! We only have an hour to find our new supply, dudes! FORRESTER: *NOW* you tell us!!! JOEL: Or what happens? JOEY: We, like, go *poof*....the machine brings us back! TOM: Well, that puts a damper on the whole day! JOEL: Hey, buck up guys! Where's that Robinson spirit i installed in you guys? CROW: I think some of it left when Mike joined us... JOEL: Well, you got it back now....Robinsons never let anything stand in their way! TOM: Whatever....let's go, guys.... (Joel and co. leave the restaurant and go out in the rain, looking up and down for another restaurant....the buffalo wing evading them!) TOM: Sheesh, author, you make it sound like the buffalo wings are hiding from us or something! (Well....uh......never mind....) FORRESTER: How long do we have to walk through this 22nd Century city? FRANK: Until we find buffalo wings? TOM: We *must* find Buffalo wings! GYPSY: Richard Basehart? TOM: OK...Gypsy, there are times where you may pick out Basehart from the thin air, but WHAT THE HELL REMINDED YOU OF IT NOW?!? (everyone looks at Tom) TOM: Sorry..... JOEL: We're all at edge, guys..... FRANK: Hey....where's Torgo? (everyone looks back and sees Torgo lagging behind...again!!) CROW: Do we really have to wait for him again? JOEL: This *is* his quest, guys! TOM: I hope we find these buffalo wings soon! FRANK: Yeah, all this talk of them is making me hungry....I WANT MY BUFFALO WINGS!!!! (Joel and company walk over down the street where they find a small news- stand....they look at the latest headline.) JOEL: Guys, look at this! It says here in this ad "All the buffalo wings you can eat!" CROW: Good, that means this search is almost over! TOM: Now we have to tell Torgo..as soon as he gets back with us.... (Torgo slowly walks up the street....very slowly...so slow as to almost be non-moving!) FORRESTER: I'll get him!! (Dr. F goes up to Torgo and grabs him by the arm and quickly moves him with the rest of the group with Joey folloeing behind. Joey looks at the ad) JOEY: Cool!! Buffalo wings, dude!! JOEL: But the place could be miles away! Can we do that in an hour? TORGO: 45 mInUtEs JOEY: Yeah, we spent 15 minutes lookng for that robot of yours, dude! FORRESTER: It would help if we knew where the place was... JOEY: Dude! The boss'll ask for directions.... CROW: Great! (Torgo goes out to the people in the crowd....everyone seems to shy away from the funny-looking man in the Manos robes) TORGO: wE'rE lOoKiNg FoR bUfFaLo WiNgS.....cOuLd YoU tElL Us WhErE tHe BuFfAlO WiNgS aRe? (Everyone cntinues shying away....no one wants to talk to Torgo!) CROW: Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't you think that was the wrong ap- proach? I mean *really* the wrong approach? JOEL: Maybe... CROW: Watch me... (Crow gets into the crowd and yells....) CROW: WHICH WAY TO THE BUFFALO WINGS?!?!? (Crow gets a hundred different people pointing in a hundred different direc- tions!) JOEY: That was no help, dude! TOM: Here's a novel idea.....CALL A CAB!! GYPSY: Yay!! (Frank tries to call a cab...) FRANK: Here cabby.....here cabbycabby... TOM: Please tell me I didn't just hear that! (A cab floats up to the curb and everyone packs into it....it's quite crowd- ed) TOM: Hey Crow, stop crowding! CROW: Joel, Tom's on my side! GYPSY: We can't take you guys anywhere! FORRESTER: Can you bots shut up for five minutes?? TOM: Well, I tried once, but it got really annoying! (Dr. F rolls his eyes as the cab rolls off) JOEL: Hey, we didn't tell him where to go yet! CABBIE: Where to, bub? JOEY: Like, that major buffalo wing shack, dude! CABBIE: Five credits for the ride (Joel hands the Cabbie a five dollar bill) CABBIE: WOW!! An actual 1993 series United States five dollar bill!! Whoo- hoo!! I'm rich!! I'm rich!! hahahahahahahahaha!!!! (Cabbie stops the cab, runs out, and leaves our heroes behind!) TOM: One word of advice, Joel.....never use current currency while time traveling! FORRESTER: Now what will we do? FRANK: Well, I could drive! JOEL: But your driver's licence is about 150 years expired! TOM: Joel, he's all we got.....unless you can drive us over. CROW: Yeah, you drive! TOM: Besides, we trust you more than Frank here! FRANK: Hey.... (Joel gets in the drivers seat and the crew drive around looking for the place...they drive around for 15 minutes before they find....) GYPSY: "All the buffalo wings you can eat"! TORGO: 20 mInUtEs FORRESTER: What are we waiting for? Let's get the wings! (Frank rushes into the place and orders) TOM: Uh, Frank, what are you doing? FRANK: I'm ordering some wings! CASHIER: OK Mr. Frank.....100 Buffalo Wings...will be ready in about 15 minutes! JOEY: DUDE!! What have you done?! TORGO: AlL wE nEeDeD wAs ThE bAcKsToCk JOEL: Now we have to wait 15 minutes for the wings to be done! CROW: And Torgo needs the wings in 20! FRANK: Poopie! TOM: So it's like we have to take the wings and RUN! JOEY: Looks that way, dude! FORRESTER: OK...we'll get the wings...the make a break for it! You all with me? (Silence) FORRESTER: I said "you all with me"! (Silence) TOM: No offense, Dr. F, but you haven't exactly treated us well in the past 8 to 9 years! CROW: But your plan seems to make sense to me! (The SOL crew waits for the wings.....and they wait.....and they wait) CASHIER: We had a slight problem....it'll take an extra 2 minutes... TOM: Don't you just love close calls? JOEY: We may have achieved failage, dudes! JOEL: Don't give up yet you guys! We still have 3 minutes to play with... (The Cashier brings the plate of wings to the counter) CASHIER: That'll be 2 credits and 30 plutons. TOM: Plutons?? (Joel and the bots look at each other knowingly) FORRESTER: What? What's so funny about plutons? CROW: Oh.....nothing.....heh heh TOM: Too long to explain. (Frank pays the price with American currency. The cashier runs off) CASHIER: I'M RICH!!!! (Joey takes the plate with the wings and hands it to Torgo.) JOEY: Here you go boss! FRANK: Hey!! My wings!! TORGO: 6 sEcOnDs (Joey and Torgo blink out of sight....fast! A light blinks on Tom's chest) TOM: Uh, guys, the time machine's blinking!! JOEL: INTO THE CAB!!! (The SOL crew piles into the cab and speeds off....very fast! The almost run down a few people on the way to the Satellite, which they crash into!) JOEL: Come on! Hurry, hurry!! (They get inside the SOL to find the crash did something to the time machine) GYPSY: It's out of order!! FORRESTER: But it's still on! Where are we headed now? JOEL: I guess we'll have to see when we get there! FRANK: .....poopie.... (The SOL winks out of sight) T H E E N D #207 -- Temporal "Nipple Tweak" ***SEASON FINALE*** The SOL again transcends reality as, in 1945, they meet Commando Cody, who is still trying to ward off an invasion from the Radar Men! Can the SOL crew help Cody defeat evil Retik? #301 -- MST 1/2 - Part I You have to see it to believe it! No spoilers here! =) **************************************************************************** * From: emiofbrie@earthlink.net * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures is a work of fan-fiction not intended * * for profit, but only for fun reading. Any similarity to real persons, * * living or dead, is unintentional. * * * * Characters from Mystery Science Theater 3000 created by Joel Hodgson and * * Michael J. Nelson. Copyright 1988, 1990, 1993 Best Brains Productions * * * * All other characters (except Torgo) created by Emi M. Briet -- Copyright 1995 * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures - "The Return Of Torgo" - C 1995 * ****************************************************************************