Mystery Science Theater Adventures Show 205 Reel 1 "Homeward Bound?" In the not too distant future, September of '96 Dr. Forrester had just received his latest load of flicks Too late to bring back Mike and Joel So the future is where he had to go A return trip home was set in place But short-circuiting the time machine warped them out of space!! The Satellite's now jumping, from year to year to year Mike Nelson remains missing, giving everyone cause to fear Now keep in mind they can't control where the time-jumps begin or end Pray for Dr. F and Frank and Joel, and also their robot friends.... ROBOT ROLL CALL Cambot (saves the day) Gypsy (whatta pilot) Tom Servo (gotcha voice back) Croooow! (still the wisecracker) "Is this jump the jump back home," they wonder every day So repeat to yourself, "It's just a file," and let the story go where it may On MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER ADVENTURES!!! (1..2..3..4..5..6..G) (The SOL is in a bad way after a very rough jump and everyone's helping to clean up the ship) JOEL: Hey guys, look at this! (Joel points to the time machine's chronometer) JOEL: We're in the future! TOM: Back in the 24th Century? JOEL: No, the 21st! We're in 2044 FORRESTER: No wonder the machine exploded! It was better designed to go into the past than into the future! FRANK: Uh, Steve, Joel, maybe we should explain just what happened. FORRESTER: To who? (Frank points to you) FRANK: That person out there reading this! JOEL: Oh yeah, maybe we should, sirs. FORRESTER: Whatever, Boobie. JOEL: Well....it started out like this....we were just about to leave 4 BC when.... (A flashback effect comes over the story and the reader is suddenly trans- ported to 10 minutes ago) JOEL: Hey sirs, what's that noise? (A strange whirring sound comes out of the time machine) FRANK: Oh, that's just the sound it makes when it's about to blow. TOM: Frank, what did you just say? FRANK: I said the time machine's about to......BLOW?!? JOEL: Oh my god! DUCK AND COVER GUYS!!!! CROW: QUACK! QUACK! (Joel clamps Crow's mouth shut and pulls him down to the ground. Within seconds, the time machine explodes, making a mess of the bridge) JOEL: What happened, sirs? FORRESTER (inspecting damage): Something overloaded the defibulator coil causing a chain reaction of molecular torque which was too much for the machine to handle! FRANK: Wow! I didn't know you could speak technobabble! FORRESTER: Comes from watching all that Star Trek, Frank! CROW: You watch Star Trek? FORRESTER: Well, I figured since we're all in the same boat, I may as well admit it! JOEL: I wonder what caused it. TOM: Maybe Crow forgot to empty his load pan today! CROW: Hey! Who was the one who filled my load pan with grape jelly the other day? TOM: Honest! I didn't know it was your load pan! CROW: Well, it WAS attached to me at the time! JOEL: Stop fighting, you two, we have to clean this up! (The flashback ends....now the present) FRANK: See, now the reader knows how it happened. JOEL: Guys, maybe we should see if we can find a way to repair this thing, else we'll be stuck in 2044 forever! CROW: At least until 2045. JOEL: CROW! CROW: Heh heh heh! JOEL: Where's Gypsy? (Tom and Crow look at each other unknowingly) FORRESTER: Well, here's SOMETHING purple. (Dr. F clears away some debris and finds Gypsy's lower jaw) CROW: OH NO!!! GYPSY'S DEAD!!!! TOM: Get a hold of yourself, Crow.....she's got to be here somewhere! (suddenly, Gypsy rears her head, which, of course, is missing the lower jaw) GYPSY: Uhhhhhhhhh.....uhhhh...uhhhh FORRESTER: Let me see that.... (Dr. F puts Gypsy back together) GYPSY: What happened here? CROW: Long story. (Meanwhile, outside the SOL, a couple of scientists are prowling around) SCIENTIST 1: What is it, Burke? BURKE: It looks like.....no....it can't be.....Devon, get me the scanner. (Devon gives Burke the scanner) DEVON: What are you scanning for? BURKE: A-ha! I knew it.....there are traces of temporal displacement here! DEVON: So? BURKE: Don't you see? This is some sort of time machine!! Do you know what this means? DEVON: I see....it's your lifelong dream! BURKE: To go back in the past, and "invent" what we know as modern techno- logy! I'll be rich! You hear me? RICH!! Beyond the dreams of avarice! R I C H !!!!!! DEVON: What about me? BURKE: You will be my.....henchman....yeah, that's it! How about I get 60% and you get 40%! DEVON: Not quite! BURKE: OK, then I'LL get 60% and YOU'LL get 40%! DEVON: OK with me! BURKE (under breath): ....sucker..... (Back in the SOL....) JOEL: Here's what the problem is. (Joel holds up a weird looking thingamajig) FORRESTER: That's the coil. The only way we can repair this thing is to replace it. Unfortunately, the only other one I know of is back at Deep 13! CROW: Then it's easy....we go to Deep 13 and get it! JOEL: How? CROW: Well...maybe Deep 13's still around here in the future. FORRESTER: Sounds like a good idea, Crow boy, but how would we get to Deep 13? For all we know we could be in Cucamunga! TOM: What are we waiting for? Let's turn on Hexview! (Hexview shows a futuristic city...and the SOL's blocking the road!) FRANK: Oh goody! We're in Tomorrowland at Disney World! Get the camera! (Forrester SMAKS Frank) FORRESTER: It's just a city! JOEL: But which city? (Joel opens the airlock doors and the SOL crew exits the ship, with a police officer waiting for them) OFFICER: You realize you'll have to move that. JOEL: Well, the ship's about 10 times heavier than a semi! OFFICER: Not my problem! TOM (to Joel): I don't understand it! We come appearing from out of nowhere in a weird-looking ship and this guy's not even fazed by it! JOEL: We'll have to worry about that later, guys, we gotta replace this thing so we can return home. (Meanwhile, on the other side of the city. A man appears out of nowhere wearing a weird belt) MAN: Finally able to track them here! Now all I have to do is find the temporal signature. (The shadowy figure walks off....now back to Joel and Co....Burke and Devon approach our heroes) BURKE: Hello and welcome to Los Angeles! My name's Randall Burke and this is my assistant Dan Devon. We read a temporal disturbance in the area and investigated. From which year are you? JOEL: Well, we've been away from home for about one and a half years, so I guess it would be 1997 DEVON: Uh....no kidding.....I...uh....have friends in 1997! (Burke elbows Devon in the gut discreetly) DEVON: *ouch* BURKE: I think we can help you. We've been experimenting in time travel for some time. What is the nature of your problem? (Joel hands Burke the coil) BURKE (looking): Hmmmm......hmmmm.....Of course, but this will take a few days to figure out. While you wait, partake in our fair city! (Burke and Devon walk off with the coil) TOM: Well, that rules out going to Deep 13. We have no money and by foot it would take days! CROW: Weeks even! JOEL: Don't worry, guys, this scientist should be able to replace it! (Forrester looks over at Frank) FORRESTER (to Frank): Frank, that man's a mad scientist! FRANK: How do you know, Steve? FORRESTER: Trust me, it takes one to know one! JOEL: Sirs, what are you babbling about over there? FORRESTER: Oh, nothing, Boobie, just engaging in some idle chatter. CROW: How can you chatter and be idle at the same time? TOM: By the way....where's Gypsy and Cambot? JOEL: I chose to leave them on the ship and maybe try to find a way off of the road. CROW: Gypsy and Cambot? JOEL: Well, they do know the ship better than any of us do. It seemed logical? TOM: So you say you're going Vulcan on us? FRANK: Hey, I just thought of something. If we're in Los Angeles, then we could go to Disneyland! JOEL: Well, we couldn't because we have to stay around until the scientists return. TOM: Oh come on, Joel! We can walk around a little bit! Look over there! (Tom sees a very attractive woman) TOM: Maybe if I ask nicely she could go with me to the next Mango-fest! CROW: Mango-fest? You haven't mentioned that in 7 years! TOM: Oh...sorry...bit of leftover regression from last year! CROW: I agree with Frank, Joel....let's go to Disneyland! TOM: Yeah....while we wait! CROW: It'll be fun! TOM: It'll be good! FRANK: It'll be..... (Frank noise) JOEL: Well, since you put it that way....let's go. (They go off to Disneyland....meanwhile....the shadowy figure approaches the SOL) MAN: There it is! I found it! The Satellite Of Love! Ready or not, here I come! (He enters the SOL where Gypsy and Cambot discover him) GYPSY: I don't believe it! It's....it's..... (Cambot flashes a light on him and it's....) GYPSY: M I K E !!!!!!! MIKE: Gypsy....Cambot....boy am I glad to see you two! Where's everyone else? GYPSY: Disneyland! MIKE: Give me a communicator....maybe I can call them. GYPSY: Maybe not.....the relays are damaged! MIKE: Then I'll just have to.... (Mike notices the mess) MIKE: What happened? GYPSY: The time machine broke! MIKE: And if I know Joel, he's working on getting it repaired. I'll be back later....I'm gonna find Joel and the others! GYPSY: Good luck! (Mike leaves the SOL.....meanwhile, in Burke's lab, Burke has the coil on the workdesk) BURKE: Look at this, Devon, it uses a difibulator to transcend time. Basic- ally, it makes its own temporal rifts! This is easier than I thought! Devon, we have to do this quick, then I'll install the new piece, strand the crew of the ship here, then I'll start making CASH!!!! DEVON: Uh, "we", Burke. BURKE: Of course! (As Burke and Devon begin work on a replacement, we return to Joel and Co. Crow and Tom are riding the Mad Tea Party. Crow is trying to spin the teacup by himself) TOM: This is no fun! CROW: Well, it would be if your arms worked so you could help me spin this thing! (The ride stops and Tom's comm light begins flashing) CROW: Hey, Tom, there's someone calling us! (Crow pushes the button on Tom's chest and the comm comes to life. The reception is a bit lousy) MIKE: Hello....can anyone hear me....hello! CROW, TOM: M I K E!!!!! (Crow and Tom rush to the others) CROW: Joel!!! Joel!!! Mike's calling!!! JOEL: Mike?! Is that you? MIKE (over comm): Joel! Great to hear your voice! I heard you were in Disneyland! Gypsy said the relays were damaged, so I had to get close enough to use this communicator. I'm near the construction site of WESTCOT center. Meet me there! FRANK: Hey, that was Mike! FORRESTER: No kidding. (rolls eyes) (Later...at the SOL, Burke and Devon arrive. Gypsy notices them) GYPSY: Hello BURKE: Oh, hi....Devon and I are just here to replace the broken part of your time machine.....NOW, DEVON!! (Devon grabs Cambot and Burke grabs Gypsy. Cambot and Gypsy are thrown out of the SOL) BURKE: Ok, Devon...I'm very sorry. DEVON: About what? BURKE: THIS! (Burke grabs Devon and throws him out. The airlock closes behind him) BURKE: Now to turn this thing on. (Burke turns the machine on, but nothing happens. He notices the switch stuck on "auto-jump") BURKE: DAMN! Looks like I wait.... (At the future site of WESTCOT...) MIKE: You arrived! (Joel and Co. meet up with Mike) TOM: Say. Mike, how did you get here? MIKE: I've been trying to track you with this time-travel tracking belt given to me in 2370. I must say it hasn't been easy. JOEL: Well, the Satellite's just over-- MIKE: I know...I saw Gypsy and Cambot there. They're expecting me back. CROW: So, what happened to you after the first jump? MIKE: I don't know! First I was on the Satellite, next thing I knew I was hanging from some Rigellian tree. I met someone who was able to help me, and she gave me this belt. I almost found you back in Jerusalem, but you left too soon. FORRESTER: Well, let's get back to the SOL, maybe-- (A light beeps on Tom's chest) TOM: That's the 10-minute warning, guys....we better hightail it back to the Satellite! MIKE: What's wrong with the transporter? FORRESTER: Damaged in the blast. CROW: Where's "Plot-convenience Theater" when you need it? JOEL: What are we waiting for? Let's go! (The SOL crew gets back to the SOL and see Gypsy, Cambot, and Devon outside) MIKE: Gypsy! What happened? GYPSY: A bad scientist took over the ship! FORRESTER: I bet it was Burke! FRANK: You were right, Steve! He IS a mad scientist!! DEVON: How could I have been so stupid! FORRESTER: Don't take it personal, Devon. ALL mad scientists choose stupid people for their assistants! I mean, look at Frank, for instance. FRANK (a bit angry): Hey! FORRESTER: Don't worry, Frank, I'm just explaining to Devon. FRANK: Oh, Okay! FORRESTER (to Devon): See? JOEL: I really hate to break this up, guys, but we have to find a way back inside. GYPSY: I could try to override the airlock. CROW: Uh, Gypsy, why didn't you do that before? FORRESTER: She probably had Richard Basehart on the brain again! JOEL: Go to it, Gypsy! (Gypsy opens the airlock and the SOL crew storms in) BURKE: You're too late! This thing's gonna take off! (Crow and Tom jump him and force him out of the airlock. Unfortunately, he also manages to pull Mike down with him. The SOL lifts into the air) JOEL: MIKE!! (Joel sticks his hand out of the open airlock) JOEL: Mike! Grab my hand! (Mike reaches up, but to no avail) JOEL (looking back at SOL crew): He can't reach! We have to set the ship back down! GYPSY: We can't! It's on automatic! MIKE: Come back!! JOEL: I can't come back! I don't know how it works.....Good bye, Mike! We will find you again! Keep tracking us! MIKE: I will! Good luck! (Joel gets back into the SOL and closes the airlock. Mike watches as the SOL glows and disappears to God-knows-where. Mike scans the area) MIKE: I'll find you again! And next time, I'll be going back with you! BURKE: So close! So close! Come, Devon! DEVON: No way! You were going to ditch me! From now on, you're on your own! BURKE: But I have apple fritters back at the lab! DEVON: Oooooo.....Okay! (Burke and Devon leave. Mike continues scanning) MIKE: The temporal disturbance is very odd this time....as if there's some- thing strange influencing the other side! I pray everyone on the Satellite's OK.... (The SOL, 2133 A.D. Joel and Co. look surprised!) JOEL: It's....YOU! (A familiar theme from experiment 424 plays......) T O B E C O N T I N U E D...... PREVIEWS OF COMING ATTRACTIONS #206 -- The Return Of Torgo In 2133 A.D., Torgo joins the SOL crew, himself time-hopping with his assistant Joey, as they search for the now-extinct Buffalo Wing to keep Torgo's 24th Century business going! #207 -- Temporal "Nipple Tweak" The SOL again transcends reality as, in 1945, they meet Commando Cody, who is still trying to ward off an invasion from the Radar Men! Can the SOL crew help Cody defeat evil Retik? **************************************************************************** * From: emiofbrie@earthlink.net * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures is a work of fan-fiction not intended * * for profit, but only for fun reading. Any similarity to real persons, * * living or dead, is unintentional. * * * * Characters from Mystery Science Theater 3000 created by Joel Hodgson and * * Michael J. Nelson. Copyright 1988, 1990, 1993 Best Brains Productions * * * * All other characters created by Emi M. Briet -- Copyright 1995 * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures - "Homeward Bound?" - C 1995 * ****************************************************************************