Mystery Science Theater Adventures Show 203 reel 1 "Dat's Da Mug" In the not too distant future, September of '96 Dr. Forrester had just received his latest load of flicks Too late to bring back Mike and Joel So the future is where he had to go A return trip home was set in place But short-circuiting the time machine warped them out of space!! The Satellite's now jumping, from year to year to year Mike Nelson remains missing, giving everyone cause to fear Now keep in mind they can't control where the time-jumps begin or end Pray for Dr. F and Frank and Joel, and also their robot friends.... ROBOT ROLL CALL Cambot (saves the day) Gypsy (whatta pilot) Tom Servo (gotcha voice back) Croooow! (still the wisecracker) "Is this jump the jump back home," they wonder every day So repeat to yourself, "It's just a file," and let the story go where it may On MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER ADVENTURES!!! (1..2..3..4..5..6..G) (In the cargo bay of the SOL.....Dr. F and Crow are going through some stuff) FORRESTER: What's this? CROW: Oh, that's my old load pan FORRESTER: And this? CROW: My even older load pan FORRESTER: And this? CROW: My-- FORRESTER: Let me guess....your first load pan! CROW: No, my current one! Give that back! (Crow takes his load pan back and re-attaches it to himself. Tom Servo enters the cargo bay) TOM: So, what's up down here? I can't believe Joel made you do this! CROW: Oh bite me! It's fun! FORRESTER: Well, we wouldn't have been in this mess in the first place if you didn't dis my Commodore! CROW: Oh IBM's better and you know it! Commodore went out of business 2 years ago! TOM: C'mon guys, that's how you got down here in the first place! CROW: Hey Servo, we found something interesting....heh heh TOM: What? (Crow holds up a silver and black robot which looks a lot like Servo) CROW: Your old body!!! TOM: WHA--!! Give that back!!! I thought Joel destroyed it!!! CROW: So did he.....heh heh.....catch, Clay! (Crow throws the old body to Dr. F over Servo's head) FORRESTER: Back to ya, Crow boy! (Dr. F throws it back to Crow over Servo's head) TOM: Come on!!! This ain't fair!! JOEL!!!!!!! (Joel enters) JOEL: Ok now what's going on? TOM: They won't give me my old body! (Joel looks at the old body, then looks at Crow) JOEL: Crow, I told you to destroy that just before we watched "The Crawling Eye"! You know how vain Tom is about his old body! TOM: I looked like a stovepipe!! And Crow had to bring back that painful memory!! CROW: Wait!! How come I could never find Gypsy's old body? JOEL: Because I made Cambot out of it....and I think you need a time out. (Joel drags Crow out by the scruff of the net) FORRESTER: You want this back, boobie? TOM: Please..... FORRESTER: Hah!... (Dr. F opens the escape hatch and throws the old body outside where you now see the SOL is in a secluded wooden area) TOM: HEY!! (Dr. F laughs his head off and goes back up the hatch to the bridge, fol- lowed by Tom. Meanwhile, back on the bridge) GYPSY: We've stopped, guys! JOEL: But where? MAGIC VOICE: Chronometers show 1931 A.D. FRANK: Hey, we could just stick around for 65 years and then we'd be back in our own time! FORRESTER: Frank, come here..... FRANK: Yes... (Dr. F SMAKS Frank.......hard!) FRANK: Owieowieowieowieowieowieowie!!!!!! (Joel turns on the hexview and sees a wooded area (as I mentioned before). He also sees two foul-looking men approach the ship) GYPSY: Oooo....I don't like the look of those two! JOEL: Well, just calm dowm and we'll see what they want. (The SOL crew go downstairs to the exit door to greet the two men) MAN 1: What are youse doing here? JOEL: I'm Joel Robinson of the Satellite Of Love, and these are my friends. MAN 1: Who? Of da what? TOM (doing his best Edward G): We's came here by accident, shee? We don't wants no trouble, shee? MAN 2: Well, now youse got trouble, which means youse better come wit us! (They point guns at the SOL crew) FORRESTER: Maybe we could work something out....we're all rational human beings here... MAN 2: Youse seven come wit us....or else.... (They click their guns, ready to fire) FORRESTER: On second thought.....lead on.....heh heh (The two gangsters lead the SOL crew to a couple of cars, where they are ordered to enter. Upon entering, the cars drive off) CROW: I'm no expert, Joel, but I think they're.....GANGSTERS!!!! MAN 1: Youse better keep quiet if youse know what's good for yas! (After an hour of driving, they come upon a city, and the cars pull up to a large building. The two gangsters get out of the cars) MAN 1: OK all youse....get out! (The SOL crew disembarks. They are followed inside at gunpoint by the gang- sters. They climb a lot of stairs before being led into the office of the head of the gang) MAN 1: Boss, we caught dese guys snoopin 'round our stash! TOM: WHAT?! MAN 2: Shaddup, you machine! JOEL: Sir, I assure you, we were not snooping! (The Boss turns around in his chair, revealing himself to the SOL crew, and he looks strangely like....) CROW: MIKE!!!!! MAN 2: Huh? What are youse talkin' 'bout? Dis is Big Joe Nelsoni, boss of dis sector of Chicago! TOM: Joe.....Nelsoni??? MAN 1: Yeah, he's a big man 'round here...answers only to Capone himself! FRANK: Whoa! You mean Al Capone?? MAN 1: Yeah! FRANK: He's my idol! Oh can we meet him.....oh please please please..... NESLONI: OK youse mugs, what was youse doin' 'round our stash? JOEL: Well, sir, our time machine malfunctioned and sent us here. We have no control over where we land. TOM: Oh GREAT explaination, Joel! NELSONI: Ok....dat's a good story, so I'll cut youse a break....I'll let youse live if ya helps us stash our booze! JOEL: As an upholder of the law, I'll have to say-- FORRESTER: We'll do it! (to Joel): Sometimes you have to know when not to follow the law. CROW: But I thought alcohol was legal! TOM: Not in this time, Crow.... JOEL: Yeah, the Prohibition amendment outlawed it between 1918 and 1933. (Cambot looks around the place) GYPSY: What do you see, Cambot? (Cambot looks over at Gypsy, then resumes looking around the room) TOM: Joel, why did you ever take out Cambot's voice circuits? JOEL: Because if I didn't, I would have never been able to replace yours six years ago. TOM: Oh..... (A very attractive woman enters the room) WOMAN: I got those requisitions you asked for Joey baby! NELSONI: Good, Rose...get dem down to da guys at downtown. ROSE: Right away Joey baby! NELSONI: And I wish youse wouldn't call me 'Joey baby'....it's degradin'! ROSE: Yeah yeah whatever. (Frank looks at Rose, who looks back at him momentarily, and winks at him) FRANK: She loves me, Steve! FORRESTER: Oh God!!! MAN 1: OK....get goin'..... (They drive back to the SOL) MAN 2: OK....how youse open dis crate? (Joel reluctantly opens the entryway of the SOL. The gangsters waste no time in starting to load the alcohol aboard) MAN 1 (to man 2): Come on...we gots ta get dis stuff out of here before 12! MAN 2 (to SOL crew): Youse gonna help us.....or what? CROW: Well....I don't know.... (One of the drivers points a gun at Crow) CROW: OK...I'm helping....I'm helping! FRANK (to Dr. F): I really think that Rose girl likes me! FORRESTER: Dream on, Frank! What makes you think that? FRANK: Maybe the fact that she just drove up and is walking toward me. FORRESTER: You do have a problem, don't you? There's no one th-- (Dr. F turns around and sees that Frank is right!) ROSE: Hiya big boy! FRANK: hominahominahomina...uh...Hi.....my name's.....Frank... (Dr. F is staring wide-eyed at all this!) ROSE: You wanna go down to the lake, Frankie baby? FRANK: Uh......sure..... FORRESTER: Oh.....my......God!!!!!!! (Meanwhile, all the alcohol has been loaded onto the SOL) JOEL (to Dr. F): Sir....what is it? FORRESTER: That girl, Rose, just went down to the lake with.....Frank!!! CROW: Did I hear that right? A girl likes Frank?! JOEL: It would seem so.... TOM: I don't believe it!! GYPSY: It's so romantic! CROW: Well, they say love is blind....and there went the proof! heh heh! JOEL: That's mean, Crow.... CROW: I know....heh heh...I like being mean to Frank! FORRESTER: You and me both, Crow boy! MAN 1: Enough talk....da boss is on his way down ta check out da stuff! (Another car drives up with Nelsoni inside. He steps out) NELSONI: Well....how's it goin'? MAN 2: It's goin' good, boss! We gots all da stuff in da big crate! NELSONI: Good....eliminate dose guys! JOEL, FORRESTER, BOTS: AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! (Meanwhile, on da-- I mean, THE lake. Rose and Frank are sitting in the grass, enjoying the scenery) ROSE: You don't know just how much I adore the color black! FRANK: Well...uh.....this is my...uh.....work uniform ROSE: Well, I think it's sexy! FRANK: Eh......what about Joe? ROSE: Oh, Joey? He's nothing but a two-bit gangster who thinks he's so tough! FRANK: But he's got....those guns....and stuff.... ROSE: He's nothing.......c'mere! (Rose starts to undress Frank) FRANK: Uh....what're you doing? ROSE (sexily): I wanna get physical big boy! FRANK: EEP!....I......just remembered....eh.....I need to tell Steve some- thing....heh... ROSE: But what about me? FRANK: Uh......later.....OK? (he kisses her) ROSE: Oh.....Okay... (she smiles) (Frank walks off back to the SOL area, where Nelsoni's gang is about to finish off the SOL crew) FRANK: Hi guys! (The gang is distracted, which gives the SOL crew time to run off) NELSONI: GET DEM!!!! DON'T LET DEM ESCAPE!!!! (The SOL crew pulls Frank over with then and they all run off toward the lake. They see Rose there) ROSE: Frankie! You're back! But who are....wait....Oh! YOU PERVERT!!! FRANK: No.....it's not what you think...it's--- ROSE: THEY'RE OVER HERE, JOEY BABY!!!!!! (At the SOL...) NELSONI: Hear dat? De're over at da lake! (Nelsoni and his gang head over to the lake) NELSONI: Tanks, Rose! ROSE: Anything, Joey baby! And this man wanted to do something dirty with me! (she points to Frank) NELSONI: WHAT?!?! OK youse, round boy! You're gonna die right here! (Nelsoni shoots, but Servo gets in the way of the bullet and protects Frank) CROW: That's right! WE'RE bulletproof!! Bots....ATTACK!!!!!! (Crow, Tom, and Gypsy attack the Nelsoni gang) JOEL: Hey....where's Cambot? FORRESTER: Like I know where your Happy Fun Ball of a robot is! FRANK: Oh, I saw him go into the Satellite! FORRESTER: Nice of you to tell us Frank! (he SMAKS Frank) FRANK: Owieowieowieowieowieowieowie!!!!!!!! CROW: Hey, author, remember us? The attackers? (Oh yeah.....meanwhile....) NELSONI (with Crow all over him): GET HIM OFF ME!!!!! MAN 1: We can't boss, dis hose creature's in my way GYPSY: None shall pass!!!! MAN 2: And dis fireplug's in my face! TOM: "Fireplug"??? That's it!! (Tom flails his arms around by turning his body and slaps man 2 in the face many times) MAN 2: HEY!!!!! (Nelsoni gets Crow off of him and then proceeds to capture Tom and Gypsy) NELSONI: OK....now youse all gets it! JOEL, FRANK, FORRESTER: AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! (In the distance, police sirens can be heard) NELSONI: Cheese it, youse guys, it's da cops! (Nelsoni and his gang lead the SOL crew to a secluded area) MAN 1: We can't shoot 'em boss, da cops'll hear it for sure! CROW (whispering): Thank God the silencer hasn't been invented yet! (Cambot comes out from behind a set of trees and slowly makes his way to the SOL crew) JOEL: Look, guys, it's Cambot! TOM: Cambot!! Over here!! NELSONI: Youse better be quiet! (Cambot comes closer, and they see the police behind him!) NELSONI AND GANG: DA COPS!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! POLICE OFFICER: Come out quietly, Nelsoni, and we won't harm you! (Crow gives Nelsoni a short *kick*, sending him out into the open, where the police train their guns on him right away) POLICE OFFICER: Hands where I can see them, Nelsoni! (He binds Nelsoni in cuffs) POLICE OFFICER: You have the right to remain silent. If you disregard that right anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney-- NELSONI: I know my rights......Uhhhhhh...... OFFICER 2: OK....now the rest of you! (The gang and the SOL crew come out into the open) CROW: These two hoods kidnapped us and forced us to take alcohol into our vessel! TOM: Yeah, and they had guns on us, and it was just not cool! (After a long session of talk between the cops and the SOL crew, the police decide to let the SOL crew go) POLICE OFFICER: We have to take this alcohol into custody as evidence, guys. JOEL: No problem, Officer, we-- GYPSY: All aboard!!!! The time machine started up again!!!! POLICE OFFICER: But we have to take this alco-- JOEL: Sorry, but we can't control it! (The SOL lifts off of the ground) POLICE OFFICER: HEY!! Get back here!! You'll fry for this!! JOEL: I'm really sorry!!!! (The entry door closes on the SOL just before it vanishes into thin air!) OFFICER 2: Should I list them as fugitives, sir? POLICE OFFICER: No....just let them be...we have bigger fish to fry! (The police drive away with Nelsoni, Rose, and the two gangsters in custody) NELSONI: All...that....booze!!!!!! (cries) ROSE: Yeah! Big man! RIGHT!! You gonna cry, now, baby? NELSONI: D O N ' T C A L L M E B A B Y !!!!!!!!!! (At a house 2 miles away) WOMAN: Well, there goes another gangster..... MAN: I know. You said that you can you help me find my friends? WOMAN: Well, I've adjusted the flow converter on the hopper, but--- MAN: There's no telling where they are....they could be millions of years away by now.... (The man comes out from behind the shadows....it's MIKE!!!) MIKE: But I swear on my green jumpsuit......I'll find them!!! T H E E N D Well, we know where Mike is....for now...but will he and the rest of the SOL crew meet again? Find out in further Mystery Science Theater Adventures!!!! PREVIEWS OF COMING ATTRACTIONS: #204 -- Do They Know It's Christmas In 4 B.C., the SOL crew arrives in Jerusalem just before the birth of Jesus, except this time, there's an evil time traveller who wants to prevent the baby's birth to end Christmas forever! #205 -- Homeward Bound? In 2044 A.D., the SOL crew meet up with a scientist who may be able to fix their time machine, but he truly wants the machine to go back in time himself to make himself rich and famous!!! **************************************************************************** * From: emiofbrie@earthlink.net * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures is a work of fan-fiction not intended * * for profit, but only for fun reading. Any similarity to real persons, * * living or dead, is unintentional. * * * * Characters from Mystery Science Theater 3000 created by Joel Hodgson and * * Michael J. Nelson. Copyright 1988, 1990, 1993 Best Brains Productions * * * * All other characters created by Emi M. Briet -- Copyright 1995 * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures - "Dat's Da Mug" - C 1995 * ****************************************************************************