Mystery Science Theater Adventures Show 201 Reel 1 "Zero Hour" PREVIOUSLY ON MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER ADVENTURES..... FORRESTER: I knew the Satellite would still be around, but I never figured that even you would still be here, Joel the Mole! JOEL: You'll never get away with this! FORRESTER: I already have! Frank, hook up the time machine to the SOL and set the controls back to Deep 13! FRANK: How do I do that? FORRESTER: Do I have to do everything? Look, it's simple! Just touch these wires to anything metal and-- (Forrester receives a shock which careens throughout the whole SOL and damages the time machine control!) FRANK: Uh, Steve, I don't think you want to see what's happening. GYPSY: The time machine short-circuited!!!! FORRESTER: It's stuck on auto-jump! There's no way to control it!! TOM: Then that means...... CROW: WE'RE GONNA DRIFT HELPLESSLY THROUGH TIME!!!!!! ALL: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!! (A temporal wave envelops the entire Satellite just before it disappears over the skies of Rigel-III) VISITOR TO RIGEL: Now THERE'S something you don't see every day! AND NOW....THE STORY CONTINUES.... (Satellite Of Love....numerous warning lights are going off) FORRESTER: Now you've done it, Frank! Now we're stuck here as well! FRANK: So all we do is just fix the machine and go back home, right? FORRESTER: The time machine is beyond repair! I'll have to make an all new one! (The time machine springs back to life for no apparent reason) JOEL: Uh, sirs, I think the auto-jump control's broken. FORRESTER: And what would you know about it, you yellow-bellied piece of protoplasm? This is highly sensitized equipment! Only myself and Frank know how it works! (Dr. F looks closer at the machine) FORRESTER: And as I take a closer look it seems that....the....(softer voice) the auto-jump`s broken. CROW: Hey Joel, where's Mike? JOEL: He was here just a second ago GYPSY: Guys, I don't sense Mike anywhere on the ship! TOM: Who died and made you Deanna Troi? JOEL: No it's Gypsy's sensors, and they're not picking up Mike's life force! FORRESTER: Well, good riddance! TOM: Listen, Freebie and the Bean! You two are stuck in the same situation we are, and if we don't work together we'll all die horrible deaths! FRANK: Describe "horrible". FORRESTER: Frank, my towel and your hinder have a date soon! As for working together...ha! We don't work together, we're mad scientists, dammit! GYPSY: Look! We're touching down somewhere! JOEL: The Satellite wasn't built for touchdown....put a visual on hexview! (Visual shows Earth, 1996) GYPSY: Geographical sensors show we're back at Gizmonic Institute! (Hexview shows a valley, but no Institute) JOEL: Gypsy, look out the hexfield viewscreen... (Tom and Crow look as well) TOM: This is impossible! GYPSY: This can't be right! CROW: It looks like the Borg came through here! JOEL: Where's the Institute?! THEME: In the not too distant future, September of '96 Dr. Forrester had just received his latest load of flicks Too late to bring back Mike and Joel So the future is where he had to go A return trip home was set in place But short-circuiting the time machine warped them out of space!! The Satellite's now jumping, from year to year to year Mike Nelson remains missing, giving everyone cause to fear Now keep in mind they can't control where the time-jumps begin or end Pray for Dr. F and Frank and Joel, and also their robot friends.... ROBOT ROLL CALL Cambot (saves the day) Gypsy (whatta pilot) Tom Servo (gotcha voice back) Croooow! (still the wisecracker) "Is this jump the jump back home," they wonder every day So repeat to yourself, "It's just a file," and let the story go where it may On MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER ADVENTURES!!! (1..2..3..4..5..6..G) (Everyone looks confused) JOEL: I think we better go outside and check this out! Now I'm going to split you up into teams...Gypsy, I want you to go with the Mads.... GYPSY: Do I have to? JOEL: We have to make certain sacrifices so we can get back home. FORRESTER: Sacrifice?? Come on Joel, if it weren't for me, that robot would never exist! (Gypsy breaks down and cries) JOEL: Now see what you've done! You've hurt Gypsy! (consoling): That's OK Gypsy...I'll put you in charge of your party, OK? FORRESTER: I don't take orders from an Umbilicus! JOEL: If you don't do it, you may never see Deep 13 again! (Forrester thinks about it for a moment) FORRESTER: Ok I'll do it....but I don't have to like it! FRANK: That's tellin' him, Steve! You know, I've always admired you. FORRESTER: Really? FRANK: Yeah, even when you kill me sometimes. FORRESTER: Frank....that's the sweetest thing you ever said to me! FRANK: Thank you. JOEL: I know that's good and touching, but we have an expedition to get under way....Tom, Crow, with me! (Cambot gives Joel a disappointing look) JOEL: Cambot, you've gotta stay here to make sure someone doesn't take the Satellite....and you also have to warn us if the time machine starts running again. (Cambot nods his approval. The SOL crew leaves the Satellite) TOM: Hey Joel, according to this layout, it looks as if the Institute was never here at all! CROW: Joel, I'm getting some weird vibrations... JOEL: We have no time for that now, you guys. (A taxicab pulls up) DRIVER: You guys looking for a ride back to the city? JOEL: Sure. (Driver looks at Joel intently) DRIVER: Hey! I know who you are! You're that Joel guy from "Mystery Science Theater 3000"! JOEL: Yup, that's me. TOM: It's one of our fans! (Driver does a double-take at Tom) DRIVER: Huh?? I never knew those 'bots were real! JOEL: I created them myself. DRIVER: Well, well, climb in, Mr. Hodgson! No charge! You know the Comedy Gallery's expectin' ya! JOEL: Mr...Hodgson?? My name's Joel Robinson. DRIVER: Sure, sure! Funny! I've also seen your secret agent act on SNL too! (Joel, Tom, and Crow climb into the cab....meanwhile, we check on the other party) FORRESTER: How long do we have to keep walking? GYPSY: Until we find civilization. FRANK: Hey look! "Entering Eden Prairie"...that's where our go-through is! FORRESTER: Good! Because I need to have a long talk with Mr. Mallon! (Dr. F, Frank, and Gypsy trudge on for a few more miles before they finally make it to...) FRANK: Best Brains! That's us! FORRESTER: Well, ME anyway! Let's go inside! (The trio make their way to the door where they are stopped by a guard) GUARD: Sorry...no fans. FORRESTER: Don't you know who I am? GUARD: You can't be who I think you are...'cause he's already inside shooting the next episode! FORRESTER: Excuse me! GUARD: They're shooting episode #813....you`ll have to come back later! FORRESTER: Gypsy, do something! GYPSY: I can't...I'm just as confused as you! FORRESTER: I am Dr. Clayton Forrester and I demand to see Jim Mallon! GUARD: Yeah, and I'm Superman! You'll have to leave! (The trio walk away from the building) FRANK (sarcastic): Way to go, Steverino! FORRESTER: Frank...go down and get the transporter! GYPSY: Guys...I don't think Deep 13 exists here! FRANK: Yeah, Steve, and if there's no Deep 13, there's no transporter! (sings): I don't have to take orders... I don't have to take orders... I don't ha-- (Dr. F starts to strangle Frank) FORRESTER: Do you want me to finish the job? FRANK: I'm a mouse. A quiet mouse. FORRESTER: Good! Keep it that way! (He lets go and Frank slumps to the ground) (Meanwhile, in the city) DRIVER: Here's where you get off...Minneapolis! (Joel, Tom, and Crow disembark from the cab. Tom checks out the newspaper) TOM: Uh Guys, we are definitely not in the right place! JOEL: Why? (They look at the newspaper. The headline reads, "Superman diverts doomsday comet headed for Earth!") CROW: Joel, isn't Superman a comic book? JOEL: Last I knew he was. TOM: Then what's he doing here? CROW: Hard time on Earth prime?? JOEL: Guys, I suggest we check out this 'Comedy Gallery'. Maybe this Hodgson guy can help us out. (Joel and the bots enter 'The Comedy Gallery') TOM: Whoa! Quite a turnout! PATRON (looking at Joel): THERE HE IS!! IT'S JOEL HODGSON!! (Everyone crowds around Joel asking for autographs) CROW: Uh, Joel, I think you may bear more than a passing resemblance to this guy? JOEL: What makes you say that? CROW: Well, there are all these fans around you, and that Hodgson guy is right behind us! (Joel turns around to see....himself?? They are both rather confused) HODGSON: I must say, that's a nice plastic surgery job! Who are you? JOEL: I'm Joel Robinson, but I don't think I'm in the right place. HODGSON (sarcastic): Right, and I'm Tom Servo-- TOM: Someone call my name? (Hodgson looks at an ACTUAL robot Tom Servo and faints) CROW: Great! The comedian fainted! (The crowd gets mad) TOM: Uh, Joel...maybe you better do something... JOEL: I don't know.....wait....I'll show them some of my inventions! CROW: I hope this works! TOM: What I don't understand is, if Gizmonics doesn't exist here, then how did that OTHER Joel know about me? JOEL: Not now...we have an act to perform...let's go! (As Joel and the bots perform an act, we check back with Dr. F, Frank, & Gypsy. The Mads are disguised as TV Execs) FORRESTER: *AHEM*-- My name is Bigg Bux, of Bux Syndication, and we want to take a look at your show for national release. GUARD: Nice try....the show IS cablecast nationally....now SCRAM! FRANK: But don't you want to hear about our buy 2 channels, get 1 free special? GUARD: I'm gonna give you until 3 to get out of here....1..2-- FORRESTER: Now! (Frank hits the guard on the head with a frying pan) FORRESTER: Frank, where did you get that? FRANK: From the author? FORRESTER: What author? FRANK: Out there... (Frank points in some unknown direction) GYPSY: I think he means THE author. FORRESTER: I'LL give you 'the author'....now let's go! (Gypsy and the Mads enter the Best Brains building. When they get to the stu- dios, they find a surprise!) GYPSY (looking at the set): IT'S THE SATELLITE OF LOVE!!!! FRANK (also looking): Hey Steve! Since when was Deep 13 above ground? FORRESTER: They've turned my experiments into a TV show! FRANK: But this way would save a lot of time...first, we wouldn't need Umbili- cus... GYPSY: HEY!! FRANK: ...then we could just walk over and hand Mike and Joel the films... (Forrester SMAKS Frank!) FORRESTER: Don't you see! They're making a mockery of me! (The Mads see actor Michael J. Nelson in his costume) FRANK: It's MIKE!! FORRESTER: I see....run out on us, will he? (Dr. F walks up to Nelson) FORRESTER: So, Mitch, you thought you could just run off and leave us, huh, well, this time your movie will be pain! I tell you, PAIN!!! NELSON (laughing): Hahaha! That's funny, Trace.....keep working on it! (Nelson walks off. Dr. F is confused as all holy hell!) NELSON (looks at Frank): Hi, Frank! FRANK: Hi. FORRESTER: Sure! He's Frank, I'm 'Trace'! GYPSY: It's like it was Mike, but it wasn't FRANK: It's like the same person, but different circumstances! FORRESTER: I can't believe it! Frank, you actually made sense! FRANK: I did? FORRESTER: Yes! That's why everything's screwed up! My time machine must have transcended reality! GYPSY: I wonder how it did that? FORRESTER: This is the greatest discovery in the history of mankind! Why, I could make millions...but first.... (Quick cut back to the Comedy Gallery. Joel is just finishing his 'act', and the crowd loved every minute of it!) PATRON: I told you that stuff in the beginning was just an act! JOEL (finished): Thank you, thank you! (Joel goes backstage with the bots) CROW: I don't know about you, Tom, but I'm sick of acting like I was just a puppet! TOM: I know, Crow, this bites! JOEL: Now guys, until we get back to our own reality, we have to try to pass ourselves off as that Hodgson guy and his puppets. CROW: But what about the REAL Joel Hodgson? (Joel opens a closet door revealing Hodgson still out cold) RADIO IN BACKSTAGE ROOM: This is KMPL radio with a news flash! As you can see outside, a large white anomaly has just appeared over the skies of Minneapolis, and is growing larger! More next hour.... TOM (looks outside): Uh, Joel... JOEL: What? TOM: I think I know what this is, but it's two years too late! JOEL: I don't understand... TOM: Well, if you read comics like I do, well, I think we're in the DC Uni- verse, and this is 'Zero Hour'!! CROW: You mean.... TOM: Yes....we better get back to the Satellite, or there may be no Satellite to go back to!!! (Back to Best Brains....Gypsy notices the anomaly) GYPSY: IT'S A WHITE HOLE!!! FRANK: I see....hey, look, Steve, a white hole! Cool! FORRESTER (a bit angry): Frank, do you know what a white hole is? FRANK: No. FORRESTER: Let's just say I hope you fall into one! FRANK: AAAAAAAAHHH! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! FORRESTER: That's better! GYPSY: We gotta get back to the Satellite! C'mon! (Dr. F, Frank, and Gypsy exit the building and make a mad dash for the SOL. Meanwhile, near the SOL...) JOEL (panting for breath): We....made it... TOM: It looks as if the anomaly is converging onto this very spot! CROW: So what are you saying? We created 'Zero Hour'? TOM: No, but I DO think 'Zero Hour' brought us here, not the time machine! JOEL: Now we gotta hope either Gypsy of Dr. Forrester saw the anomaly. CROW: Or Frank... TOM: Not really, Crow, Frank would just say it's a pretty sky thing. (Dr. F, Frank, and Gypsy return to the Satellite) CROW: About time you guys showed up! GYPSY: We gotta get inside and warp us out of here! TOM: Easier said than done, Gypsy, I don't think the machine brought us here. FORRESTER: Will you stop blabbing and get us out of here! FRANK: Yeah, my laundry's almost done. (Dr. F SMAKS Frank again. Everyone piles into the SOL. All that is left now in reality is a 10-mile radius with the Satellite in the middle) FRANK: I'll set the time di-- FORRESTER: NO! I'LL set the-- JOEL: With all due respect, sirs, you got us into this time mess in the first place....I'LL set the time dial. (Joel tries to move the dial, but it's stuck!) JOEL: The auto-jump is still activated! CROW: So what are you saying? JOEL: We better hope the machine jumps us before we cease to exist! FRANK: Steve...I never had a chance to tell you this before, but, deep down in my heart....I hate you....I always have, I just didn't have the nerve to tell you... FORRESTER: Oh, that's all right....because...well....I hate you, too... FRANK: You do? FORRESTER: Yes...it's just one of those things that's hard to say, you know. FRANK: Gimme a hug! (Dr. F and Frank hug) TOM: That has got to be the strangest thing I've ever seen them do! FORRESTER, FRANK: THANK YOU!! (Now, only the 'Gizmonic Valley' is left) CROW: Goodbye cruel world! GYPSY: Goodbye, Richard Basehart, wherever you are! (Only the SOL is left now. The time machine springs to life!) TOM (perks up): The machine is on!!! CROW: But is it too late? JOEL: Hang on, everyone!!! (Simultaneously, reality and the Satellite disappear.........) < DC WHITEOUT!!!!!!!!!!!! > (Interior of the SOL....but where?) TOM (wakes up): Wh-- What....I'm still here! WE'RE ALL STILL HERE!!!! HEY GUYS, WE MADE IT!!!!! CROW: We did? Whooooeeeee!!! TOM: Score one for the time machine!!! (Everyone else gets up) JOEL: We're alive! FRANK: That experience was....was.... (he makes his 'Frank Noise', which I find hard to put in print) FORRESTER: Well, boobie, you survived! JOEL: Yeah, it makes me feel all warm inside, you know? CROW: Uh, Joel, Mike's still missing. (A bang is heard outside the SOL) JOEL: Quick, Cambot, give me Rocket #9 on hexview! (Hexview shows a medieval knight pounding on the landed SOL...he speaks) KNIGHT: Inhabitants of the metallic abode....Thou shalt pay thy taxes to the King, or thou shalt most certainly be beheaded! ALL ON SOL: AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! It's a new start for our heroes on the Satellite Of Love....and will they ever find Mike by jumping from time to time? Keep your Internet tuned to MSTA!!! T H E E N D PREVIEWS OF COMING ATTRACTIONS..... #202 -- Knighty-Knight, Black Knight In 1577 A.D., the SOL crew is called upon by the King of England to regain his kingdom from the evil Black Knight of Forrestshire and his spanish squire, Franco. #203 -- Dat's Da Mug In 1931 A.D., a Chicago gangster finds the Satellite and 'convinces' Joel and the bots to store alcohol aboard it to hide it from the Police....and the gangster's lady takes a liking to Frank! **************************************************************************** * From: emiofbrie@earthlink.net * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures is a work of fan-fiction not intended* * for profit, but only for fun reading. Any similarity to real persons, * * living or dead, is only for the sake of the definition of different * * quantum realities. * * * * Characters from Mystery Science Theater 3000 created by Joel Hodgson and* * Michael J. Nelson. Copyright 1988, 1990, 1993 Best Brains Productions * * * * All other characters created by Emi M. Briet -- Copyright 1995 * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures - "Zero Hour" - C 1995 * ****************************************************************************