Mystery Science Theater Adventures Show 108 Reel 1 "I幟 Just Wild About Larry" In the not too distant future, December of '95 Dr. Forrester saw no reason to keep Joel and Mike alive His experiments complete at last Severed ties with the satellite real fast It drifted off to an unknown place The Satellite Of Love was lost in space! Joel and Mike were frozen, for over 300 years The Satellite drifted all the way to the edge of the final frontier Now keep in mind the SOL was about to meet its end So a ship crew rescued Joel and Mike along with their robot friends. ROBOT ROLL CALL Cambot....Gypsy....Tom Servo....Croooow!! Now in a refitted SOL, they tour the Milky Way And think to yourself, "It's just a file," and let the story go where it may! On MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER ADVENTURES!!!! (1..2..3..4..5..6..G) (Joel is looking into Cambot) JOEL: And now, on center stage, The Great Servoni!! (Tom hovers onto the table wearing a tux. There is also a large box on the table Tom廣 voice is still stuck in 1988 mode) TOM: Thank you, thank you! I am The Great Servoni, master of illusion and magic. For my first trick, I need a volunteer from the audience. GYPSY: Me! TOM: Come on up, gorgeous! (Gypsy goes around behind the table) TOM: And what is your name? GYPSY: Gypsy! TOM: OK, Gypsy, climb into this box and I shall make you disappear. GYPSY: Oooh! Exciting! (Gypsy gets into the box while Joel, Mike, Crow, and Cambot look on) TOM: And now I need my wand holder. My arms don廠 work, you see. JOEL: I am the wand holder, who...really only...holds the wand. TOM: Abracadabra! (Joel waves the wand and there廣 a large puff of smoke) JOEL: *koff* Tom, you OK? I can廠 see anything! TOM: Yeah. (he continues to talk through the smoke) You will now see that the subject has completely... (Smoke clears and Gypsy is still there) TOM: ...disappeared??? (whisper) Gypsy, you were supposed to drop down under the table! GYPSY: Oh! CROW: Booooooooo! (Crow throws a tomato at Tom, but misses) TOM: My magic still needs a bit of work. CROW: I影e seen better shows on Comedy Central!! TOM: Comedy what? CROW: Oh yeah! Then I影e seen better shows on KTMA! TOM: You take that back! MIKE: Guys, there廣 no need to fight. C'mon, break it up! JOEL: I know a couple of bots who need a time out. (Joel drags Tom and Crow off the bridge) MIKE: I think Crow was a little too hard on him. (The hall under the bridge) JOEL: Crow, you gotta take it easy on Servo, he廣 still suffering a memory loss. CROW: But his show bites! JOEL: Crow.... CROW (with a bit of sarcasm): I幟 sorry, Tom. TOM: You know, Joel, my show DID bite! That guy Mitch even looked at me funny. JOEL: Who? TOM: Mitch, Mark, the guy with the green jumpsuit. JOEL: Mike TOM: Whatever. (Joel, Tom, and Crow return to the bridge where Mike notices one of the lights flashing) MIKE: Hey guys, we廝e being hailed. JOEL (answering hail): This is the Satellite Of Love. Who廣 calling? (A whiny voice is on the other end) VOICE: Please! You gotta help me! They want me dead! JOEL: Who? VOICE: The Assembly! TOM: Joel, I think that voice sounds a bit familiar. VOICE: Tom Servo? Is that you? TOM: Yes... JOEL: You廝e right, Servo, it廣... JOEL, GYPSY, TOM, CROW: DR. ERHARDT!!!!!! CROW: Small universe MIKE: Who廣 Dr. Erhardt? JOEL: I幢l tell you later. We gotta get him aboard! GYPSY: His ship looks like it廣 in bad shape! CROW: Uh, Joel, remember this is the man you forced you to watch "The Crawling Eye" TOM: ...and "Revenge of the Mysterons" GYPSY: ...and "Hangar 18" JOEL: Well, actually, "Hangar 18" wasn廠 THAT bad. GYPSY: Oh. ERHARDT: Are you going to let me in or what? CROW: We don廠 know yet. hehe MIKE: Come on, you guys, let him in. (Mike presses a button on the console and the door to the cargo bay opens. Erhardt pilots his craft in) MIKE: So what do we do with him? CROW: Depressurize him until he implodes. TOM: Use his head for a soccer ball JOEL: Calm down now. Dr. Erhardt may be an evil mad scientist, but that's no reason not to help him. CROW: It is to me! (Erhardt gets to the bridge through the G door) ERHARDT (looking around): The place has really changed! (looks at Mike) Who are you? MIKE: I幟 Mike Nelson. Dr. Forrester shot me to the SOL after Joel escaped. ERHARDT: I幟 Larry Erhardt, Dr. Forrester廣 former partner in Deep 13. JOEL: What happened to you, Larry? ERHARDT: Back in '90, Clay decided my services were no longer required, so he and that new guy, Frank, came up with some device to trap me in a movie. JOEL: So that WAS you we saw in "Earth vs. the Spider"! ERHARDT: Yes. MIKE: Well, anyway, what did you do to get the Assembly so ticked off? ERHARDT: It was just a little thing... JOEL: How little?? ERHARDT: I only sold them some toy Godzillas. MIKE: Well, THAT's not so bad. CROW: Uh, Mike, you have no idea. JOEL: Yeah, these Godzillas breathe real fire. I used one as a model-burn- ing demonstration and then later Dr. F and Dr. E stole the idea from me. ERHARDT: Anyway, it appears one of them burned down their council chambers. TOM: That has to be the most low-down thing I ever heard you do! ERHARDT: Thank you! CROW: Oh please! GYPSY: Guys, I think you better see what's out our window. (An Assembly ship comes into view out the window) GYPSY: They're hailing us. MIKE: On hexview. ERHARDT: What is this? "Star Trek" or the Satellite Of Love? (Hexfield Viewscreen opens and the captain of the Assembly ship speaks) CAPTAIN: You are harboring an Assembly fugitive. Surrender him now or we will blow your ship to smithereens! TOM: You know, Joel, I has always wondered what constitutes "smithereens". Is it just confetti-like remains, or could two pieces be enough to be called "smithereens". JOEL: Tom, I don't think this is the time. CAPTAIN: Let's just say you will die. TOM: Hmmm, concise, to the point, "you will die", yes, I believe that will answer my question perfectly. Now, about... CAPTAIN: SHUT UP!!!! (Tom closes his yap) CAPTAIN: We want the fugitive Lawrence Erhardt. ERHARDT: Uh...."forgive and forget"....what I always say....heh. CAPTAIN: SILENCE! CROW: OK... (Crow shuts off the Hexfield Viewscreen) MIKE: Crow! Why did you do that? CROW: Well, he said, "SILENCE!".....heh heh. MIKE (to Erhardt): Well, doc, I don't know what we're gonna do with you. ERHARDT: You're not seriously considering..... TOM (to Mike): An open airlock could be a nice touch. CROW: Or disembowelment with a rusty grapefruit spoon! JOEL: Guys, this is Dr. Erhardt we're talking about! TOM: I know! C'mon Crow, let's go plan! CROW: Yes! (Tom and Crow leave the bridge) ERHARDT: I'm dead! JOEL: Cambot, follow Tom and Crow and make sure they don't get into too much trouble. (Cambot leaves the bridge. The Assembly captain forces open a channel) CAPTAIN: Well.... ERHARDT: You'll have to come and drag me from this ship!! CAPTAIN: That can be arranged... MIKE (sarcastic): Nice going, doc! ERHARDT: Well, it sounded good. GYPSY: I'm reading a teleporter lock. MIKE: Quick, G door!! (Mike, Joel, Erhardt, and Gypsy go through the G door. They go all the way to the theater, where Tom and Crow are planning stuff) CROW: Or we could take his hair and-- Oh, hi, guys! GYPSY: They're on the bridge!! JOEL: You DID remember to lock each door behind you, didn't you? GYPSY: Roger dodger! TOM: Those Assembly-type dudes are HERE?!?! MIKE: 'Fraid so. (Intercom comes to life...well, not in the literal sense, but just in the sense that it...well, you know) CAPTAIN: I know you are all here! Surrender the fugitive and we'll only beat you up a little bit! CROW: Whoa! Bad dudes! (There is a banging on the door to the right in the theater) JOEL: Gypsy, you forgot to seal the chute! GYPSY: Oops! CAPTAIN (behind door): Come out of there! TOM: I think I got a plan.... (Tom, Crow, Joel, Mike, Gypsy, and Erhardt huddle with Cambot hovering over- head. After 5 minutes, they all shout to the Assembly officials...) ALL: Come in! (The Captain blasts the door open. He sees that Joel has unveiled his old "Super Freak Out" invention. There is wild music playing and Cambot is showing psychadelic patterns on the theater screen) CAPTAIN: What is Mohd's name is THIS? CROW: It's, like, "Super Freak Out", man! Wheeeee! MIKE (looking at his hands): Little trails....happy little trails... (Cambot switches the image on the screen to the movie "Kitten With A Whip") TOM: Totally 60s, Cambot! Groovin! CROW: It was experiment 615. TOM: Oh. ASSEMBLY CREWMEMBER: I think I'm floating. CAPTAIN: Will you snap out of it! It's only an illusion. (The Captain looks to see that one of his crew is hugging a theater chair) CAPTAIN: This is madness!! TOM: I know! Isn't it fun? Hey, Crow, incoming shrew! (A small shrew flies through the air and just misses Crow) JOEL: This is really mod, you guys! (The Captain shoots his gun up in the air. Everyone freezes in place) CAPTAIN: ENOUGH! I will make it short....hand over Erhardt! (Tom and Crow put their hands over Erhardt's head) TOM: Like this?? CAPTAIN: That's it! (The Captain shoots Tom in the head, damaging him) GYPSY: TOM!! CAPTAIN: Maybe NOW you'll listen to me! ERHARDT: I give up. JOEL, MIKE, BOTS: WHAT?? ERHARDT: It's no use....I'll be running from them forever. Even though I really didn't torch their place. JOEL: What do you mean? You told us you did. ERHARDT: No...I only said one of the Godzillas did, but it was one I had already sold. CROW (sarcastic): Yeah, right! MIKE: Now, now, let him say his peace. CAPTAIN: So let me get this straight....you sold someone one of those fire toys, and this other person torched the chamber. ERHARDT: Yes. ASSEMBLY CREWMEMBER: Captain, could we be after the wrong person? CAPTAIN: It seems so. JOEL: And you almost destroyed one of my robots to get to him. CAPTAIN: Well, it IS normal Assembly procedure. (Tom starts to come around) MIKE: Guys, Tom's coming around! (I just said that) MIKE: Oh...yeah. TOM: Uhhh....I was...on the bridge... CROW: His voice is back to normal!! CAPTAIN: I will leave your ship in peace. Happy travels to you all (The Captain and his crew port out) ERHARDT: Well, now we have one more problem. JOEL: What? ERHARDT: My time pod is still deep in Assembly space. I gotta get back to 1991. Maybe use an assumed name. Somewhere where I can eat cold fusion in peace. MIKE: Which planet was it on ERHARDT: Ganda-V MIKE: Gypsy, get us to Ganda-V (Gypsy goes back to the bridge with the others following behind her) TOM: Now what's the big deal with my voice? JOEL: When the laser blast hit us about 2 weeks ago, you lost most of your memory. We've been trying to restore you ever since. TOM: How much did I lose? JOEL: Everything from "SST Death Flight" on TOM: So you mean I forgot about all those really cheesy movies we watched? JOEL: Yeah, I guess so TOM (after pause): PURGE IT AGAIN!! Oh please please please please! I don't want to remember those movies!! JOEL: But then you wouldn't remember the good times either. TOM: Oh yeah, you know, Joel, you're right! Why didn't think about that before! MIKE: Yeah, we like you just the way you are! CROW: Except for that time when you-- JOEL, MIKE: CROW!! ERHARDT: Can we please look for my pod now? TOM: Hey!! Dr. E! Haven't seen you in a while. CROW: Uhhhh.... (The SOL gets to Ganda-V. Erhardt's pod is right on the surface) JOEL: Are you sure you don't have enough room for 6 more? ERHARDT: I barely have enough room for ME in there! MIKE: Have a nice trip back to the 20th Century! ERHARDT: Thanks for giving me amnesty on the Satellite! By the way...how did you get here anyway? You don't have a time machine. TOM: Well, it's a rather long story! CROW: With a couple of mad scientists in it. ERHARDT: Tell me. JOEL: Well, we would, but it would make this story too long. MIKE: I know a way to tell him...and it would only take one line of text! GYPSY: How? MIKE: Like this... (Mike tells Erhardt all about December 1995) GYPSY: Oh, I see. (Erhardt stands on the transporter pad) JOEL: Porting 1, Gypsy! (Gypsy activates the controls and Erhardt goes back to his time pod. The Satellite crew watches as Erhardt disappears with the pod back to 1991) JOEL: You know, there is a lesson to be learned here....if you sell stuff, watch out who you sell it to. CROW: Yeah, that's nice, but I think out load pans need changing. TOM: And I can't do it myself...heh...arms don't work, you see! JOEL: You guys.... T H E E N D PREVIEWS OF COMING ATTRACTIONS #109 -- Design For Nightmares The Satellite crew travels to Nuveena's World, which has since fallen behind in technology and the inhabitants urge our travellers to help them to once again be at the forefront of technology! #110 -- Gamera Is Full Of Meat The Satellite Crew meets Gamera, the "Gamera Food Exchange" that is, when Joel and Mike eat some bad beef from the food supplies that the Dominion ship gave them. ***************************************************************************** * From: emiofbrie@earthlink.net * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures is a work of fan-fiction not intended * * for profit, but only for fun reading. Any similarity to real persons, * * living or dead, is unintentional. * * * * Characters from Mystery Science Theater 3000 created by Joel Hodgson and * * Michael J. Nelson. Copyright 1988, 1990, 1993 Best Brains Productions * * * * All other characters created by Emi M. Briet -- Copyright 1994 * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures - "I'm Just Wild About Larry" - C 1994* *****************************************************************************