Author: Uh, hi. Let's cut through all the mess and get started. By the way, please feel free to e-mail me whether good or bad. I want feedback, Dammit! (Light Flashes) Mike: Cool it! Dooney and Bourke are beckoning! (Deep 13) Dr. F: Well, Beelzabubblehead, I thought we'd skip the formalities and go directly to the invention exchange.. (SOL) Tom: Wow! That's something I haven't heard in a long time. Mike: Wait! We had no idea.. Dr. F: Fine, I'll tell you what, let's get the commercial break over with and at the same time, since I'm in a good mood, will let you have a few seconds to get your act together. (SOL) Crow: I'll get started! Mike: We've got commercial sign.. ************* It is a cologne for the real man. The man who is at one with himself. The man who is at one with nature. The man who hears.....Nature's Call. Wear the fresh scent of Narture's Call all day. Go ahead, leave your mark. Nature's Call pour homme. *********** Mike: Oh! We're back. Jeez that was quick. Anway, on with the invention exchange. Crow: I'm sure you've all noticed how when some people wear toupees that they never match their real hair color. Well, we down here at the SOL say to go ahead and have fun with it! We've combined the advanced technology of mood rings and have come up with: Mood Toupees! Tom: Hair color to match your mood! What do you think? (Deep 13) Dr F: Weird...definitely...marketable...maybe. Anyway, funny I should bring up marketing because Frank and I have a new venture. Frank: That's right. We've decided to do our patriotic duty and exploit the emotionally tormented money laden dieters with New! Super Slim Quick. Dr F.: What the consumer gets is a canister of pure dehydrated water. They add the special Slim Quick filler (sold seperately) and have a delicious glass of water for breakfast, and one for lunch, and have a sensible meal! (SOL) Tom: That is EVIL! (Deep 13) Dr. F: And you seem so suprised.... Anyway, your experiment today is a fanfic, interestingly enough about you, and is entitled "Wheel in theSky" (SOL) Mike: Hey, wait a minute, I've heard that this wasn't bad... (Deep 13) Dr. F: I can only tell you what the person who sent me this said: It is nothing personal, and that she is only using it because there have been jokes that she was wanting to tell, and found that this was the best way to do so: with this fanfic. You might understand. Send them the movie, Frank... (SOL) All: WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!!!!!!!! (1..2..3..4..5..6) >Mystery Science Theater Adventures Number 102 Reel 1......... >"Wheel In The Sky" >In the not too distant future, December of '95 >Dr. Forrester saw no reason to keep Joel and Mike alive Mike: They weren't getting the ratings they used to.. Tom: Sorry, babe, I just loved the show, it spoke to me, and I tried everything to make Tartikoff happy...I even gave him a tummy rub. Nothing doin kid. Mike: Oh, and right at the holiday season, too. >His experiments complete at last >Severed ties with the Satellite real fast >It drifted off to an unknown place Mike: Like Grandpa when he's on his medicine! >The Satellite of Love was lost in space..... >Joel and Mike were frozen, for over 300 years Tom: About the same length of time as your average TV dinner. >The Satellite drifted all the way to the edge of the final frontier Crow: And was given a new premise by Micheal Piller: "Star Trek: A dog bone shaped sattelite."" >Now keep in mind the S.O.L. was about to meet its end >So a ship crew rescued Joel and Mike, along with their robot friends.... >ROBOT ROLL CALL >Cambot....Gypsy....Tom Servo....Crooow! >Now in a refitted S.O.L., they tour the Milky Way Tom: Oh, so we've become a tour company for senior citizens. >And think to yourself, "It's just a file", Tom: A nail file? >and let the story go where it may Crow: Because I have the tendency to ramble... >On MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER ADVENTURES!! >(shot of the hall...the 7 doors close...Joel, Mike, and the bots are >playing poker. The monitor (used as a TV) is also on) Mike: No, we've been refitted to be a riverboat gambling casino. Crow: We aren't in Louisiana, are we? Mike: No, you would be hearing some drive-by shootings right about now. >JOEL (to Servo): OK I'll see your 50 and raise 100 >CROW: And I'll raise you another 50 >MIKE: Betting is just too easy when you don't use money! Mike: Ha ha! I said it, pal. What am I saying? This is getting weird. >(shot of the small burnt-out circuits being used for chips) >MIKE: ...but I think Gypsy and I will drop anyway...too much >against us Tom: Oh, man, all this money is making me wreckless. >TOM: And I bet all I have....read `em and weep! >(Tom shows a royal flush) >CROW: AH! Tom wins....AGAIN!! >TOM: It's easy when your face can't make expressions...I have the >best poker face in the entire domain! Mike: No, I think Al Gore has a leg up on you. >TV ANNOUNCER: And now it's time for the hottest game show on >Tantalus III... >TV CROWD: LOSE YOUR LUNCH!!!!! Mike: A show about a 98 pound weakling and a group of kids out for his lunch money. Crow: Hey, I heard this show wiped out the competitor's show " Heart Burn for Hundreds" Tom: And Love Connection. Chuck Woolery was no match. >CROW: Hey, my favorite show's on! >JOEL: Isn't that that show where players have to throw up if they >answer question wrong? >TOM: Yes!!! Vomit! Bile! Little stringy things!! Mike: You know...the things you find in a hot dog. >Not much worse than TV back in the 1990s! Mike: Shh! I heard that Micheal Medved had himself frozen just to come into the future and continue his work. >(15 minutes into the show...everyone is watching) Tom: (snicker) Because this show is so *engrossing*! Mike: Do it again and die. >TV HOST: And who won the Phlegm Wars of '66? Crow: The computer hackers? >TV PLAYER: The Blaargisians? >TV HOST: NOOOO!! The correct answer was the Spitwadics! Now >let's spin the wheel to see how you will LOSE YOUR LUNCH!! >(Wheel spins and lands on area Tom:...51? Are we going to see a bunch of hillbillies in pick up trucks talking about how they were abducted by aliens? >marked "Madonna's Armpit") >TV PLAYER: No! Please no! >(Picture of Madonna's armpit comes to a screen and player vomits) Crow: How can you compare Madonna's armpit with the truly disgusting terrors of the universe? Mike: Yeah, I mean, Madonna's armpit looks about as germ free as the next... Crow: How would anyone know enough about Madonna's armpit to say whether or not it was disgusting? Mike: Unless you were Sean Penn. Crow: Maybe that's what caused their breakup! Tom: Would you two knock off the armpit talk!!?? >CROW: Oh man! I feel really sorry for him! Tom: Why? He got to see part of Madonna. >TOM: Nobody should have to take THAT kind of torture!! Mike: I agree. Someone, cancel _Full House_. They've outlawed it in Turkish prisons. The least they can do is cancel it here. >TV HOST (to player 2): You win!!! You win the grand prize of >500,000 plutons! Mike: and a chance to touch Aaron Spelling's house... >And you get to come back tomorrow when another challenger tries to >make you.... >TV CROWD: LOSE YOUR LUNCH!!!!!! >TV ANNOUNCER: If you would like to be a contestant on LOSE >YOUR LUNCH, just call communication code 77226394756 and ask >for Gert. Crow: He will direct you to a meeting place in the back alley where you give over the money and they give you the negatives. Hey, we're just a covert operation like everyone else, folks. >(Mike gets on the vis-a-phone) >JOEL: Mike, what are you doing? Crow: I'm ordering a pizza. Seeing that show made me hungry. >MIKE: I'm going to be a contestant! Did you see what the winner gets?? Tom: A date with John Snyder? I wasn't paying attention. > Imagine what we could do with 500,000 plutons! Mike: If only I'd known then what I knew now. All I could buy was the Velvet Elvis in the gift shop. >JOEL: You don't even know what a pluton is! >MIKE: Come on, Joel! It's gotta be what they use for money around >there! Tom: But what they take Traveller's Checques? Man, these trade sanctions are hell on the tourist. >Besides, what have I got to lose....except my lunch, that is. Crow: And possibly, your dignity. But that's never bothered you before. Mike: I'm warning you... >(phone is answered on the other end) >MIKE: Can I speak with Gert please?.....Yes.....Hello, Gert?.....I'd >like to be a contestant......Lose Your Lunch.....Your >Lunch......LUNCH!.... Crow: (as Gert): Sorry. I just ate, but you seem like a nice guy. Maybe some other time? >Yes .....Mike Nelson.....well I have no address I'm in a >spaceship.....the Satellite Of Love ..... Tom: Hmm. A transient...well, first it was card borad boxes, now its million dollar sattelites. What next? >18673684772.....Yes?.....Thank you. Tom (as Gert): Great! I've got his credit card number! Let's buy $10,000 in fuzzy toilet seat covers. >(Mike hangs up) >Scene II: The Television Network >GERT: We have another contestant, boss! Crow: Bruce Springsteen is running this? >BOSS: Good. When will he be arriving? >GERT: 3 days. Mike: Well, why isn't he using Federal Express' Overnight Delivery? Since the postage rates have gone up, its taken alot longer for our contestants to arrive. >His name suggests he's a human!! >BOSS: A human?? Well! It seems that Dandee may have his favorite >food after all. Crow: Crocadile Dandee? So, that's where he's been! >(A stagehand drags Player One (the loser) into the office) >STAGEHAND: What should I do with him, boss? Mike: Give him this clown suit and tell him to meet me in the alley in 10 minutes. >BOSS: Throw him to Dandee....I won't have Dandee losing HIS >lunch! HA HA HA! Crow: You mean they're going to give him raw food? Don't they care if he gets worms? >(The stagehand throws him behind a door and locks it. Numerous >chomping sounds are heard Mike: Oh, no! They threw him in John Goodman's room! > behind the door followed by a loud...) >DANDEE: (B U R P) Crow: (Australian accent) Thats not a burp...THIS is a burp. Mike: I'd hate to see the size of that tic tac to combat the smell... >GERT: Gruesome! >BOSS: Well you know it IS the law here.... Tom: Jell-o bath on Wednesday? >anyone who loses on a game show has to die!! Ups the stakes a bit, >don't it? HA HA HA HA HA!! Mike: (as Gert) Gee, boss, I've been working here for two years and know this, but if it helps with plot development.... Crow: Why only five HAs? That doesn't seem natural.. Tom: Well, HA! to the infinite wouldn't work... >Scene III : Satellite Of Love >(Mike is studying up on the history of Tantalus III) >MIKE: And it says here that a mercenary group called the Burks tried to over-throw Queen Damox in the Spam takeover of 2215. Crow: How can Spam take over something if it was never alive to begin with? Tom: Maybe they're talking about credit spam. Mike: No, I don't think so. There's been a couple of times when Spam took its revenge on me. >TOM: Man, these books read like one of Crow's science-fiction >screenplays! Mike: I like it when people invent their own history. It takes the pain out of having to actually remember what the past was like. >CROW: I heard that! Tom: Nice Barth imitation. Now, its time for the green slime... >JOEL: I still don't know how you expect to learn all of this in 3 days! Crow: Why not? It's guaranteed by Ron Popeil. >MIKE: Well, I'll learn all I can and hope to get lucky! Besides, the questions are very general in content. >JOEL: Maybe it would be better if you studied somewhere quiet and >relaxing. Say, the bubble room? Tom: I don't *even* want to know what that room is used for. >TOM: Yeah, there you can study in peace and quiet while we cause a >ruckus over here! >MIKE: Well, OK >(Mike enters the hall and sits down between doors 4 and 3...the bubble >room...soap bubbles fill the room while Mike relaxes with his books) Mike: And the Corbel commercial runs through my mind.. Tom: Wait! Here comes Lawrence Welk! This is a torture chamber! >(Joel and the bots notice Cambot keeps staring toward their destination) >JOEL: He just keeps staring at that place...I wonder why. Tom: Yeah, and he has also been so quiet on this trip...maybe he should switch from Decaf. >Scene IV: 3 days later >(Crow is quizzing Mike) >CROW: And who was the captain of the Haratical Fleet in '36? >MIKE: Blowdigger....Captain Jondo Blowdigger. >CROW (flipping pages in one of the books): And the current President >of the Splaranatical nation? Hmmmmm? Mike: Richard Simmons? >MIKE: That's easy, Marafa Gallopodophillo Tom: He must be related to Mizzie Gonorrhea... >CROW: I think he's ready! >MIKE: Ready as I'll ever be! It's just too bad that they don't allow >any outsiders in the audience! I was hoping you could be there to >watch me win 500,000 plutons! Tom: You mean the outsiders by S.E. Hinton? >JOEL: That's OK....we'll be watching you here. Crow: (as Joel) As soon as he leaves, high tail it on out of here! >MIKE: Well, time to go.....Porting 1 >(Gypsy fires up the new transporter and Mike ports to the TV studio on >Tantalus III) Tom: Time to go, guys... Mike: Are you sure? Well, OK.. (6..5..4..3..2..1) (On SOL) Tom: You know, Mike, I was wondering why we're still in that flea trap when there are probably alot of coolspace ships out there. Mike: Yeah, I know. It's kind of like my parents still driving the El Camino. "I don't care, son, it still runs!" Crow: Yeah, so why are we riding in it? And who, pray tell, would make a sattelite into a space ship? Mike: Maybe someone paid for it, like the government. Crow: We know the government's handywork. Why would we want the equivalent of a rubberband propellor put on the sattelite when a premade space ship would have been cheaper? Mike: You, my friend, have asked the question that scholars and fry cooks alike have been asking for years. Tom: So, what uses would the government get out of making the SOL ready for space travel? Crow: Maybe we're now a travelling billboard encouraging astronauts to stay in school. Mike: No, I think they were under their spending budget for repairing things with a yellow interior. Tom: I know! Maybe they wanted to see how far an object the size of the sattelite would have to travel before they couldn't see it any more! Crow: No, we would be a standard object to compare the size of the planets too: We know Pluto is the size of 8 SOLs.... Tom: A book mobile! Mike: Our sole purpose: To make sure the other eight planets are orbiting the sun... Crow: Well, I don't remember paying any politician a huge bribe... Tom: Galaxy wide pizza delivery. If it isn't there in 30 days, its free. Mike: Well, I don't know. I just know that I would trade it in for a new model. Crow: Especially since we've been trying to escape from this ship for 6 years. (Lights flash) All: We've got fanfic sign! >GYPSY (staring towards planet): Good Luck! Tom: Huh? What's this from? Mike: Oh, the author forgot to get this line out of the way before we left. >Scene V: The TV Studio >(Mike appears in the office of the boss) >BOSS: Welcome, Mr. Nelson! We are glad you could make it to the >show! We just have a few things to tell you before you start. >Number 1: The images we present if you miss a question may be too much >for most to bear. If you feel like you want to vomit, just do so! Tom: Yes, no need to be formal around here. >Number 2: If you vomit, you can clean it up during the commercial breaks! Mike: Number 3: Ignore that blue spot growing behind the quiz panels. The health department is coming in next week to look at it. >Remember, the name of the game is LOSE YOUR LUNCH!!!! Got it? >MIKE: Yes sir! >(Mike goes onto the stage and sits behind Podium 2) Crow: Squash!! Tom: Yuck! Who forgot to clean up their mess? Mike: Not I! Tom: Very funny, Billy. >STAGEHAND: And on 5...4...3...2...1...go >TV ANNOUNCER: And now it's time for the hottest game show on >Tantalus III.... >TV CROWD: LOSE YOUR LUNCH!!!!!! >TV ANNOUNCER: And here is your host, Bendar Tarkelleso!! Mike: Tantalus' answer to Brandon Tartikoff. Crow: And I'm the next Junger-Whitt! Tom: And I'm the next Chevy Chase! >(Crowd cheers) >HOST: Hello and welcome to "Lose Your Lunch", the game of our >planet's history where the losers lose not only the game, but also >their lunch! Crow: Oh, I get it! It's a new republican plan . >Kav, who is our first contestant?? >ANNOUNCER: He's a human from a starship known as the Satellite >Of Love, Mr. Mike Nelson!!! Tom: But not from Jefferson Starship. If he were, he would immediately be killed on the spot. >HOST: And our champion? >ANNOUNCER: He's a Tantalan... >(Mike is nervous) >ANNOUNCER: ...who won numerous awards for his knowledge of history... Mike: And teacher's pet who now sits at home drinking beers and watching amateur flyfishing with his 15 lovely kids in his spacious trailer home in the hills of Arkansas... >(Mike is worried) >ANNOUNCER: ...Mr. Hentad Jopewkias Crow: Oh, he must be married. >(Crowd cheers!!) >HOST: OK, here are the rules. I will give you questions. If you get it > right, you get 10 points. If you get it wrong or do not answer, you > are shown a very disgusting picture. Crow: He must mean what life would be like if Rush Limbaugh's show replaced this one. >If you can stand it, you get 5 points. If not, you will.... >CROWD: LOSE YOUR LUNCH!!!! >HOST: OK....first question to Mike. IN what year were the >Splarkeds of Hinter built? >MIKE: 2166 >HOST: That's correct for 10 points!! OK, Hentad. How did the >Malarkans drive out the Dizeqezoids in 2235? >HENTAD: They doused them with chocolate. Tom: Then they emotionally battered and told them what a filthy house they keep. >HOST: Correct for 10 points!! Mike, Why were the Palendids sad last year? Mike: Chevy Chase was cancelled? >MIKE: Because they had no food. >HOST: WRONG!! The correct answer was "because their cable was >out"! Mike: They would be in a depression if they had the cable service I did. > Now let's spin the wheel to see how you can LOSE YOUR LUNCH!! >(Wheel spins and lands on "Spoiled Cottage Cheese") >TOM (watching from the Satellite): It's too vile! I can't look! >(While Mike vomits at the sight of the slide, back aboard the Satellite, >Cambot is shaking almost violently) Crow: How can you tell if cottage cheese is spoiled? Tom: Personally, I would need the smell to get me ill. >JOEL: What is it, Cambot? Crow: You know, I had always had a feeling as soon as he left this show, that he was going to be sitting around the house all day watching game shows. >(Cambot projects a book of Tantalan law turned to one of the pages) Tom: No, you know what I was thinking is that this whole set up is like a family, yet Mike is the only one going out and making a living while Joel stays home with the kids. Crow: Speak for yourself! Tom: With the advances that we've achieved, why is only one parent working? Mike: Possibly a conservative backlash when Gingrich suggested the fact that too many families these days are on too many game shows and not paying enough attention to their kids. >JOEL: It says here that losing a Tantalan game show is punishable by death!! Tom: Can you imagine if we had that law on Earth, we can almost wipe out the entire trailer park population. >(The TV shows the score as Mike-50 and Hentad-700) >GYPSY: THEY'RE GOING TO KILL MIKE!!! >(Joel gets on the vis-a-phone to the TV studio) >JOEL: Yes, can I speak to Mike Nelson while there is a >commercial?.....Thanks. Crow: (As Joel) I hope he won't notice that I'm charging it to his card number. >(back at the studio) >STAGEHAND: Mr. Nelson, communication coming in for you. Tom: Earth to Mike... >MIKE: Thanks. >(Mike takes the phone) >MIKE: Hello.....Oh Hi Joel.............What??.... Crow: I'm not dealing with AT&T!!! >Yeah right!.....You mean... > ...oh shit!....um...um....(gulp)....OK. > (to Stagehand) Sorry, gotta go, been nice knowing you... Tom: Wow. Some of these scare tactics that telephone companies use today..... >STAGEHAND: You must finish the game! Crow: But Monopoly takes such a long time... >MIKE: But you see I have.... >STAGEHAND: You MUST finish or forfeit, which would mean you >lose! Mike: But I'm already losing too much by not switching phone companies... >(Mike gulps) >MIKE: OK....I'll finish. >STAGEHAND: On 5...4...3...2...1...go >HOST: Welcome back to the game. Hentad is ahead with an astounding >700 points while Mike has 50. Now all questions are double. This next > question goes to Mike. Who holds the world record for the longest >Kentasgop jump? >MIKE: Uh....Genyd Daswejug? Crow: Oh, the great Welsh long jumper. Mike: Yeah, next they will expect us to believe that Mexico has good tennis players. >HOST: WRONG!! the correct answer is Federyt Lazegedt! Now let's spin the wheel to see how you will LOSE YOUR LUNCH!! >(Wheel spins and stops on "Naked Roseanne Arnold". Mike vomits) Mike: Oh, and what's this?!?! Roseanne is coming out on the stage and she's looking quite pissed! She is demanding Tom's picture be shown also. Tom: This is kind of risky for the producers since the last two shows that had Tom were cancelled. >(Many questions later..) >HOST: And at the end of Round 2 the score is Hentad-2200, Mike-55. >Mike, it took a lot of willpower to keep from vomiting at the >sight of 20th century Earth singing star Lyle Lovett! >When we come back, the final question! Players, set your wagers for >this category.....THE SPAM TAKEOVER. Mike: I heard they had help from reduced salt Spam. >(Mike wages 55 and Hentad wages 2200. Goes to commercial) >HENTAD: Nelson, you haven't got a chance! I know almost >everything about the Spam Takeover! You're Dandee fodder! Crow: Yeah, man, I'm gonna cut you, man... >MIKE: What? >HENTAD: Dandee, the grockel that lives here....he always gets hungry >after a show! Did you actually think your death would be painless???? Tom: (as Mike) Allright! Can I go as a shake 'n bake dinner? Crow: Oh! I want to die covered in a sweet honey glaze! Mike: But not fried. Dandee has a very sensitive tummy. >(back on the Satellite...) >JOEL: Gypsy, can you port him out of there? Mike: Mr. Scot, we don't have much time. Tom; I'm working on it captain! >GYPSY: No! There's too much TV interference. >CROW: Is there anything TV DOESN'T interfere with? Mike: Judge Ito apparently doesn't think so... >TOM: Hey guys, the commercial's over!!! >(back at the studio) >HOST: OK..you made your wagers and I see you both bet it all. Well, here is your question.....What was the name of the Queen who was almost over thrown? Tom: Freddie Mercury? Crow: Milton Berle? >You have 30 seconds. >(cheesy tick-tock music plays. Hentad now looks worried) >(Time runs out) >HOST: OK...The answer is....QUEEN DAMOX! Let's see how you >two fared. Mike has...."Damox"! Correct! You now have 110 points. >Hentad has......NOTHING!! Mike: See, this is what happens when our children sleep through history classes. So, sit down with your child today and make sure what happened to Hentad doesn't happen to them. This message brought to you by the save our kids from gameshow human consuming monsters foundation. >Your score has dropped to zero and MIKE NELSON IS OUR NEW >CHAMPION! >(Mike is speechless) Tom: With Geena Davis!! Crow: Only he doesn't have a director husband to help him get bad movies. >HOST: Mr. Nelson??? Mr. Nelson!!! >(Mike comes out of it) Crow: Please...It's Gunner... >HOST: What do you have to say now that you are our champion? >MIKE: It's.....very nice. Crow: I would like to thank the judges for choosing me as your next Mr. America, and I would like to thank the United States of America that can prove once and for all that dreams really can come true. >HOST: And you get to come back tomorrow! You are now 500,000 >plutons richer! Tom: No! I'm supposed to go to a ribbon cutting ceremony, then have lunch which is all prepaid by our sponsor soakemup undergarments. >MIKE: Well, if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not. I got lucky >this time and I'm not about to try this again. Crow: Hey, Nelson, God forbid you get lucky more than once! >Just let me clean up my vomit and port out of here. Crow: You're fired! Clean out your vomit bag and leave! >I can't wait to spend my money! Tom: (as Mike) Wow! I can now go to all the latenight showings of... Mike: Watch it, little man. >HOST: You heard the man! (to audience) Good night! Mike: The Tantalus audiences are the greatest in the world! >(off the air) >STAGEHAND: Come on, Hentad....you have a dinner date with >Dandee! Mike: Tell him I can't see him! I've got a huge icky pimple on my nose and I'm just gonna die if he sees me like this! >(Stagehand drags Hentad off the stage kicking and screaming. Sound >of a door opening and locking. Sound of much chomping ending with >a...) >DANDEE: (B U R P) Crow: Get it??? A DANDY burp!!! Tom: So anticlimatic...you thought that he would have least ended it with and A-E-I-O-U. >HOST: Who are we going to fill the vacant space with? Tom: I'm just worried about what they will replace the Vacant Lot with. >MIKE: Just simply find two more suck-- players for the game! I'm >gone! Crow: My last night in Vegas! Let me do one more number...and it goes a little something like this..."It had to be you..." >HOST: Wait, Mr. Nelson, before you leave, there is a little matter of tax that > should be addressed. Let's see.... > 25% for county tax > another 5% for game show tax > 20% of what's left for playability tax > 15% off the original amount for planet tax > 30% off of that for exercise tax Mike: 25% for liquor license 5% for added red tape 10% Dan Quayle help fund... 7% for Clinton's haircut... 12% for the elimination of Ross Perot Tom: 50% for math lessons... >(Host lists more taxes) >HOST: And that leaves you with exactly 34 plutons and 12 >credits....enjoy!(to Audience) I need two players for a chance at >500,000 plutons! Crow: And I need 20 migrant workers to work for 2 cents a day. >(Mike ports back to the ship) >JOEL: So all that and you didn't even win MOST of the money! I >guess there is a lesson to be learned here. Mike: (mumbling) yeah,we should have dumped you out when we got to Earth. What was the name of that show you were working on again with that Paula person?? Oh, I'm sorry, I can't seem to remember it right now... Tom: Mike, its just a fanfic. >CROW: Yeah..only we don't know what it is. Crow: Yeah, thats right...Heh, heh..doing my part to rub it in... >TOM: Look on the bright side, Mike. At least you're not dead. >Almost...very close....but you are not dead! Mike: The wet head isn't dead! Crow: You can always stage a comeback. Captain Ron really wasn't that bad. >MIKE (sarcastic): Well thanks a lot! (to Gypsy) Take us as far away from this place as possible....PLEASE! >(The Satellite Of Love travels away from Tantalus III) >(back on the planet..) >HOST (to empty audience): Anyone??? Please??? We're talking >500,000 plutons here!! Hello??? Tom: That's the trouble with today's audiences. There is no viewer loyalty. >T H E E N D >PREVIEWS OF COMING ATTRACTIONS... >#103 -- The Dark Half >After a sleep of almost 380 years, Crow's evil twin brother >Timmy returns to cause more havoc aboard the Satellite Of Love!! Mike: Followed by They Might Be Giants in concert! >#104 -- Deep Space 13 The Satellite crew comes across the descendants of Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank in a remote space station located in the toughest part of the galaxy. Tom: Gang Land? Crow: Wow! This gives me an idea... (6..5..4..3..2..1..) Magic Voice: Welcome to tonight feature buddy movie, SOL: Part V, YET ANOTHER RECKONING. As we pick up from where we left off at, we discover that Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot are in Mr. Booger and Mr. Greenjeans collapsing box.... Tom: Crow! We only have two minutes! We're done for, man and I haven't even had a chance to blow up a building! Crow: Not to worry....Wait! I have an idea! I will use my psychic powers and cause half of the air molecules in the room to come together and create a miniature version of the big bang! The explosion will cause the wall to explode! Tom: That's brilliant! Is there anything I can do? Crow: Yes. Hold this picture of Bubbles O'Feelme... Tom: Say...She's... Crow: Knock it off, Tom. Tom: I was just saying.... Crow: Fine. If you're going to be that way, I won't save us. Tom: That's fine with me. I didn't want to be saved by your stupid plan anyway. Crow: Jealous.... Tom: (spits) Crow: Hey! (spits back) MIke: (enters the room) Geez! I can't leave you two alone for two minutes! Crow: We were just having fun. Tom: Yeah, Nelson, you are such a party pooper. Mike: Well, anyway, we don't have any letters, so lets go down to the surface. What did you think slimy slouchy scientist subtypes? (Deep 13) Dr. F: I won't even bother with the rest....(pushes button) (Love theme, but only if you sing it in your head. Don't hum it outloud because you might annoy some one) Now for the credits: First for the fanfic.... ***************************************************************************** * From: gu093kmd@icsun.sunnet.ithaca.edu * * * * Addams (Always look on the bright side of DEATH!!) * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adevntures is a work of fan-fiction not intended * * for profit, but only for fun reading. Any similarity to real persons, * * living or dead, is unintentional. * * * * Characters from Mystery Science Theater 3000 created by Joel Hodgson and * * Michael J. Nelson. Copyright 1989, 1990, 1993 Best Brains Productions * * * * All other characters created by Emi M. Briet -- Copyright 1994 * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures -- "Wheel In The Sky" -- C 1994 * ***************************************************************************** -------------------------------------------------------------------------- All of this is ditto for me. I mean, the copyright stuff. Congratulations! You have reached the end of my first MSTing. My own list of thank yous. To Emi for creating this cool fanfic. To: BBI for allowing ramblings such as mine to be posted without retribution. To: God who has given me the attention span of a flea as far as my work is concerned and allowed me to do this. And, of course, everyone who has read this. Not that I'm trying to kiss up or anything....