(to the tune of "Friends In Low Places" by Garth Brooks)
Lyrics (c)2000 Emi M Briet

You claim it's your roots
You showed up in boots
And ruined my black-tie affair
You were drunk as a skunk
What could you have thunk
Did you really think I would care
You never had class
You just sat on your ass
With your buddies, watching the game
Now I've got a lover that showers me with diamonds
And Dom Perignon champagne

Cause now I've got friends in high places
Where the money flows and security chases
All you scum away
Oh yeah, I'm ok
Now I get recognized by celebrity faces
And you'll always find me at those Hollywood spaces
Cause I've got friends in high places

Found out I was wrong
Bout you all along
First time you passed out on the floor
You never got a job
You turned into a slob
And twice I kicked you out the door
I'm much happier here
Than I was last year
I no longer wish I were dead
So I think I'll retire to that 'ivory tower'
And take my new lover to bed