AGENTS OF THE TSA
(to the tune of "Harper Valley PTA" by Jeannie C. Riley)
Lyrics (c)2005 Emi M. Briet
I want to tell you all a story about a couple trying to hitch a flight
To their extended family very far away who gave them their invite
And at the ticket booth late that afternoon, the sales rep he turned them away
He said, "I just got a note here from the agents of the TSA!"
The note said, "These two travelers, yeah their no-fly score is way too high
It's reported that their brother's cousin's roomie's fourteenth-cousin has a tie
To ancestors of the son of a cousin to Osama's cousin Ray
It was signed by the local branch of agents of the TSA
Well, it happened that the TSA was going though procedures late that night
And the travelers were surprised when agents tackled someone carrying a knife
Well, the couple realized that you could never catch a terrorist that way
So then they calmly walked up to address the agents of the TSA
Well, they said, "See, no true terrorist would bring something as obvious as that
Why try sneaking a knife when a pen or sharpened pencil could be had
By any passenger on board who asks a flight attendant, you can guess
That all they need to do is walk up to an Air Marshall and well you know the rest
Well you just think of what would happen if a dozen or so baddies tried that plan
And if you take pens and pencils, you'll find out that's not something you can ban
And they'll have the nerve to do it, true terrorists can get around your shit
We're only saying this because these rules are only punishing the innocents!"
No I wouldn't put you on because it really did, it happened just this way
The day that couple socked it to the agents of the TSA
Unfortunate for them, the agents, they came and took them away...
This is not meant to be a condoning of any kind of terrorist activity or any other violent act, there is merely a depiction of something that COULD theoretically happen and therefore, if anything, the agencies should be made aware of this gaping hole in their no-fly policies.