(to the tune of "88 Lines About 44 Women" by the Nails)
Lyrics 2007 Emi M. Briet

Susan was the Doctor's grandkid
Came with him from Gallifrey
Barbara was her history teacher
Shocked by what that girl would say
Ian was a science expert
He once walked in Daleks' shoes
Vicki saw the Beatles shrine
Built in far future Liverpool

Steven Taylor was a pilot
Lived two years among machines
Katarina came from Troy
Died while decompressuring
Sara Kingdom starts as villain
Turned to friend, then turned to dust
Dodo had got hypnotized
And got a sudden wanderlust

Polly was a secretary
Proper British lady's poise
Ben's the one who called her "Duchess"
He's the Cockney navy boy
Jamie was a Highlander
Never fell for villains' shtick
Victoria's from 19th Century
Never ever call her "Vic"

Zoe was a genius hacker
Product of a future time
Alastair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart
Brigadier of UNIT's line
Sergeant Benton, trusted soldier
Doc could always count on him
Michael Yates, although good-hearted
Split allegiance did him in

Liz was intellectual
She had several degrees
Jo's the woman who replaced her
Just 'cause uncle pulled some strings
Sarah Jane's investigative
Curious with time to kill
Harry was a navy doctor
Doc said he's an imbecile!

Leela of the Sevateem
Tossing lethal Janus Thorns
K9 stayed behind with her
Not a Timelord household norm
So then Doc built K9 II
Just to fill the void inside
Joined to find the Key to Time

Romana then regenerated
When she chose to stay with Doc
Adric of Alzarius
He liked math an awful lot
Nyssa, daughter of the Consul
Popped into Logopolis
Tegan was a mouth oh legs
She told Doc "enough of this!"

Turlough, agent of the Dark One
Later saw through all the lies
Kamelion was a robot
Often he'd be in disguise
Peri was American
With perfect US fashion sense
Evelyn was change of pace
'Cause she had real intelligence

Melanie's a fitness guru
Carrot juice served all the time
Ace would just blow you away
When she throws that Nitro-9
Benny was a lifelong scholar
Brought down Irving Braxiatel
Grace so far's the only one
To kill the Doc as we can tell

Chang was sweet-talked by the Master
Saw the error of his ways
Rose, a chav from Powell Council
Loved the Doc in different ways
Mickey was her sometimes boyfriend
Sometimes him and sometimes Doc
Adam, booted by the Doctor
Gave his mum an awful shock

Captain Jack had future morals
He would shag most anything
Lynda, spelling with a Y
Dalek shot her through the screen
Donna Noble was a bride
Sassy mouth is what she's got
Martha Jones will be a doctor
She's the current, that's the lot!